dEAr diary ~ just pondering on life

Sometimes you have days where you feel ‘off’ for no particular reason that you can put your finger on – today was one of them.

Perhaps it is the hot weather – this sticky and uncomfortable state making me feel constantly headachy and lethargic or maybe it is being in this place of temporary suspension waiting for the ending of one chapter but not able to begin the next.

My replacement started at work yesterday and there is a lot to show her so it is quite exhausting – but she is very nice and had I been staying on I am sure we would have got along just fine.

I am also aware that coming up soon on the calendar are a few ‘memorable’ dates – each one of them evidence that life speeds ahead whether or not you are enjoying it, doing what you want to do or otherwise.

  • July 19th – my 64th birthday – yikes really?

  • July 30th – my eldest daughters 2nd wedding anniversary – already?
  • July 31st – our 42nd wedding anniversary and the day I leave my job

  • August 1st – Little L (my granddaughter’s) 4th birthday – growing up fast now.

  • August 16th – this would have been my mum and dad’s 70th wedding anniversary if dad had still been alive but we will still mark the occasion with my mum in some way.

A lot of celebrations, maybe commiseration, a lot of memories, a lot of years and it does leave you wondering where did all that time go – have we become what we wanted or hoped to be?

As I am about to venture into this unknown territory soon of being job less (through choice) am I going to cope but more worrying am I going to fulfil all those things I once dreamed of doing.  If I have things still left to do then I need to get on with them quickly as I have more life behind me now than in front.

I have been so busy recently that I have not given much thought to what I will do,  less so to the financial implications of living on one state pension and our savings until I can claim my own in 2 years’ time.

Already our time is being booked out to helping:- decorating for our elder daughter, child minding our granddaughter for our younger daughter during the summer holidays and also granny minding for my mum whilst my sister is away.  We have also booked the man to come to sort out the rendering of the upper part of our house.

Looks like it will be September then before we can draw breath!  This doesn’t sound like a ‘retirement’ to me.


19 Replies to “dEAr diary ~ just pondering on life”

  1. Sounds like lots of excuses for celebrations to me.
    Personally I intend to view my 65th birthday (when I get there) as halfway through my life as I’m aiming for 130. I only plan of spending the last couple of years sat in a chair reading and sewing, already had the cataract surgery so I know my eyes should still be fine. The rest(after retirement at 66) is dedicated to walking up hills, photography, camping and travelling and if anyone tries to tell me I’m too old for it at any point prior to me being 128 they will have a fight on.


      1. I love sewing and reading too but i’m only prepared to have them as my only activities once I reach 128 and get less mobile, prior to that I want to make the most of my mobility..


  2. I love Penny Post’s response and heartily agree but I also hear the uncertainty in your voice.
    I found my O H’s retirement more scary because I had only worked part time lately and had been lucky enough to stay at home while the children were at home.
    That meant we always lived on one income which was an adequate but not large one so there was a lot of penny pinching especially at the end of the month.
    I’m sure you will be fine financially as long as you don’t go on a spending spree.
    More importantly you are right about doing things that you want to.
    We alll have a finite time like it or not so write down the things you’ve always wanted to do (this could involve your OH too) then put them in order.
    Some will need a higher level of fitness so aim to do those first.
    One set of our friends used to put a line through at least one week ever month which was to have nothing booked unless it was something they really wanted to do. Sometimes they stayed at home but it was their time and not to be used to catch up on the housework.
    Sorry this is such a screed, above all enjoy yourself (selves).


    1. Hi Sue – thank you for such great suggestions. It is such a whirlwind here at the moment I need it all to stop so I can think straight. I have got myself a pack of coloured card to represent the different areas of my life and I am going to write on them things I want to do and then lay them out and put them in order of importance.


  3. Faced the same situation with the same thoughts but you will find once you are retired you will wonder how you had time to go to work! We have been retired for 14 years next month and lead very full and busy lives. I love gardening as you do and whilst I cannot work on it like I could I still get great enjoyment from seeing a tidy productive garden. You will have time to spend with your Mum and grandchildren and enjoyed great days out or quiet times with your husband, so see it as a different phase to life and take all the opportunities it present you with. Best of luck.


  4. So like your Mum and both brides were beautiful. We also marked Mum and Dad’s anniversary especially what would have been their Golden one. Read back today’s post and look how busy you are going to be! My advice, for what it’s worth, is to remember to leave time for quiet reflection too.
    The trouble with being retired is people think you have nothing to do-I now refuse anything I don’t want to do and also refuse parcels from various internet deliveries as the neighbours were taking the mickey! On the first day of your not being employed, go out, by yourself if possible, and do something just for you. I went down to the town, pottered about, had a coffee and took all my “suited and booted” clothes including my briefcase to the charity shop. Apart from the loss of my salary, I never missed my work at all. Happy days are coming VERY soon.xx


    1. Hi Catriona – I like some of these ideas – I would have loved to do the first day going out by myself but it is my granddaughter’s birthday so already committed I’m afraid. I will schedule it for the next available one instead though.


  5. Happy Birthday, Viv (tomorrow)! What a lot of things you have to celebrate in the coming weeks. And that is exactly the frame of mind I hope you will adopt-a celebratory one. I hear a lot of trepidation in your post (totally understandable), but then I also read about the many great things you have to look forward to (…except, maybe, the part about less money). You will have time now to focus on dealing with some frugality for the short term, at least, and once you are free from the daily grind of work, there will be time to sort out your feelings, sketch out your plans (and paintings) and think of what you really would like to do now that your days aren’t framed by a job. The good thing to remember is that retirement from a job isn’t retirement from life. It is just learning to live in a new way.

    Hoping these last days on the job are good and that each day after you come home, you take a moment to relax, smile and have a glass of cheer. And certainly with your wedding anniversary (you were a beautiful bride, btw) the same day as your last day, you have double the reason to celebrate. Enjoy!!


  6. I hope you’re feeling a bit brighter today. You have many celebrations to look forward to, although I can understand how some can bring about a certain sense of reflection.
    You’ve exciting times ahead and it sounds like you’re going to be very busy. X


  7. I read your latest blog post before this one so I am catching up. So many milestones. I hope your new colleague settles in well and is accepted. Difficult for her when you are obviously so well liked and your other colleagues slightly averse to change but I am sure she will be accepted and made welcome in time. Anyhow, it will not be your problem. I am just about to receive my first months state pension as I am 65 in October. It makes me feel quite old!
    I loved all your photos. We celebrated my parents 65th anniversary in April and then my father died in June. It was unexpected and very hard for us all so I understand how your mother’s forthcoming 70th anniversary without your father must feel for her.
    Enjoy your retirement!


    1. Hi Catherine – nice to hear from you. I am sorry to hear about your father but how lovely that they got to celebrate their 65th anniversary together. My mum missed out quite a bit as dad was suddenly taken into hospital 2 days before her 80th birthday and we had to celebrate that with him lying in hospital and sadly he died two weeks later and therefore was not around for their 60th wedding Anniversary the year after which was so difficult for mum.
      Only 4 working days to go now and I am wondering how I will fit in all that is left to do – training, clearing, shredding and organising or reapportoning the remaining workload – but once that is all done a new life awaits.


  8. I love your photos! I have been in a state of inertia for years and am now 55! I am experiencing empty nest syndrome and haven’t a clue what to do with my life. Hopefully like a mirage in the desert it will soon make itself known! Good luck with retirement. I am sure you will have plenty of opportu to do all the things you would love to do. x


    1. I know from your blog how much you have been searching for a purpose and I hope you find something to fill the space left when your children leave home. I really don’t know what the future holds but I know there are things I want to do rather than have to do.


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