wherethejourneytakesme

September 12, 2023September 12, 2023

dear diary ~ end of an era

A day of drizzle yesterday, but that was fine for me after all the hot, humid weather. We looked after Master Freddie for the last time on a weekday as he starts school today and it is such a painful parting knowing that it will only be during the school holidays and weekends that we will be able to look after him and take him out. Sweetie who is a similar age started school last week so with 3 of the 4 grandchildren now in school it is the end of an era for us. Of course we have baby Chocolate and no doubt we will be pushing the pram round the streets to the park as we did only 4 years ago with Freddie and Sweetie.

All through the hot weather I have only been doing jobs that have required minimal exertion – I am not sure if contacting the social worker meets this threshold as I know my blood pressure will rise during the conversation and often I am on the verge of saying something quite rude as the frustration with them increases. I only want what is best for mum and to keep her safe. On the other hand they pretend that this is also their aim but in the end it is the financial implications to the council that will actually determine this.

If you happen to require a lot of medical attention as a baby in intensive care it is most likely provided despite the cost…but fast forward to the last years of your life when you are equally frail and vulnerable and the care is not quite so forthcoming. This not to say that the carers themselves do not care – they do and are heroes – elderly people are not quite so cute and cuddly as a baby and the whole set up in care homes and for care in the home is grossly under resourced and underfunded. I only hope the powers that be that set the rules and guidelines experience the difficulties my mum is going through.

It was my late dad’s birthday yesterday (sadly, he shares the date with the 7/11 disaster), he would have been 101 had he lived. He was such a caring, gentle man and I still miss him everyday seventeen years on.

This is him with mum on their wedding day in 1946

The wedding took place at Wadsley Parish Church in Sheffield.

and my wedding day in 1976

and their Golden Wedding anniversary in 1996.

Sadly he died a few months before his Diamond Wedding anniversary in 2006.

Mum, bless her, never even mentioned him – she is far too involved with her own troubles at the moment to even remember. I thought it best not to mention it so she didn’t get even more upset. She would normally have remebered her wedding anniversary day too back in August but again the date never registered with her.

Before I went away I managed to get all our finances up to date but already after the space of a week the pile is growing. I have various bill payments to set up online and contact the Skipton yet again about my ISA account which should have been transferred back in March to a higher paying interest account and it was overlooked at a great loss of interest to me. I did get to change my mobile provider from Vodaphone to Lebara (who piggy back on Vodaphone). My rolling contract has increased data for a lower monthly payment.

We have absolutely no fresh veg in the house other than a few potatoes and a handful of tomatoes from the garden. I am not looking forward to going shopping this week, in fact we really need to have a spend free month to offset the enormous petrol costs we are incurring going up and down the 90 miles to see mum. Whichever shelf or aisle you look down at the supermarket I think the average price for an item is now hitting £3. We take advantage any offers that come our way but even this is not reducing the weekly spend on food or toiletries. You can scrimp and save here and there but the minute you go out for the day and buy ice creams or a drink out you are looking at handing over that £20 note and not receiving very much change. The ice creams for 6 of us at the National Trust shop came to £16.20. There were no childrens cones just Magnums, Cornetto’s and those little, even more expensive, tubs of award winning ice cream.

Today we have to take the car back to the garage as for some reason during the hot weather the car fails to start until we open the bonnet for 5 minutes and then it is fine until the next time we stop and park the car!

Despite the hot weather Autumn is advancing so I need to begin clearing up in the garden. I did an hour of tidying in the greenhouse on Sunday and I now have a stack of seed trays and small plant pots to wash out and dry ready for next year. I did quite a bit of clearing in the shaded part of the garden too – cutting down perennial flowers that are definitely over now. Some of them have regenerated like the catmint that I cut back before our holidays but the majority are well and truly over. The string of solar lights didn’t even come on last night because it was mainly overcast all day so I will probably take them down, clean them up and pack away for next year too. I might leave the compost turning to DH after I empty the side that has the well rotted compost, this warm weather has created such a wonderful rich, dark, crumbly compost which I am adding to the borders as I weed them.

For anyone who is having difficulty leaving a comment and I know there are a few readers who are – to find the comment box you need to click on the post title and it takes you through to the comment page. You do not have to leave your name and email but I believe it is better if you do.

I am having a lot of trouble commenting on Blogger blogs as I usually sign in with Google and I often have to click on the Google option a few times before it brings up my name otherwise it stays as anonymous.

Back soon, take care x

September 10, 2023September 10, 2023

dear diary ~ back and forth

Gosh, just when you think life can’t get any busier….it does and hotter too.

On Bank Holiday Monday we took Little L and Sweetie out to Bradfield in Derbyshire. It is a beautiful Peak village and a conservation area. There is a place down by the river to picnic and paddle – our family have always gone there, my mum as a little girl, me and my siblings, our two daughters and now the grandchildren. We had a lovely day splashing about in the water and collected so many interesting things for granny’s nature table.

We spent the rest of the week, after they had gone back home cleaning and packing for the upcoming trip to North Yorkshire last week to stay with my younger daughter to lend a hand with Little L and Sweetie on the school run.

Sweetie started school last Tuesday but for some reason her school have a policy of only taking new reception children for half days…and alternating mornings and afternoons for the first week. This is not only very difficult to arrange for working and single mums but confuses the children no end. Sweetie has no concept that she will be spending a whole day at school next week and having school dinner there. She thinks granny will be providing lunch and taking and fetching her back at all odd times! Whilst I waited at the school gates it was obvious that many working mum’s couldn’t be there for their children on their first day and had to depend on a mix of grandparents, friends and even neighbours to help out and get their little ones to and from school at the appropriate times.

Master Freddie on the other hand, at a different school, starts on whole days straight away but does not start until this coming Tuesday (one week after the main school returned from the summer) – again very difficult for working mums, especially those like my daughter who work within the school system so cannot take time off. The gradual introduction to school is not practised everywhere and the irony is that most of these kids have been spending far longer hours in nursery than they will at school – Master Freddie will be at school 4 hours less and will feel it is a very short day indeed.

Whilst up in North Yorkshire we visited mum on a couple of occasions and she was in tears most of the time. The social worker who has assessed her as having ‘capacity’ and told her she could go home then went on holiday without arranging any care package or making a date for her leaving. So in the meantime mum has been very anxious and one day wants to go home but the next day wants to stay in the care home as she doesn’t think she will cope at home. She has been assessed as needing four care visits during the day but no overnight care so that will take some getting used to as presently in the care home mum can press the buzzer for help if she needs assistance during the night.

Mum is presently self funding as she exceeds the threshold where the local council have to step in and foot the bill so of course the social worker is in no rush to get mum home as it is mum’s money paying the care home bills. Whilst on the short term placement we have been paying in arrears and only oblidged to give one weeks notice. Now the social worker has assessed her as being able to go home this arrangement seems to have terminated and the care home have billed us for the whole of September in advance and we have to give 4 weeks notice. So it might be the end of October before mum can go home as the social worker has not arranged a care package and been able to supply us with a date for leaving so that we can give notice. This will cost mum around £9,000. Of course there is no urgency for the social worker to get this mess sorted as the council are not paying!

I have also been told by social services that if mum did choose to stay in the care home and then her savings fall below the threshold the council would not pick up the bill because she has not been assessed as needing 24 hour care. I rather think she has not been assessed as requiring 24 hour care because they cannot provide her with 24 hour care when she goes home. So it appears that mum will have to go home even if she would rather stay. If ever you have the misfortune to be caught up in the care system you will find it is all about the financial implications to the council and not about the best care of the elderly and vulnerable.

I have no doubt I will be on the phone for most of the week trying to pin down the social worker as she is back from her hols.

It is Heritage week this week and I have made a note of some of the interesting places we might visit. Yesterday we went to Beningbrough Hall (a national Trust property to the north of York) on our way home. My daughter, Little L and Sweetie came with us as it was free entry under the Heritage scheme. We had a little picnic in the shade and then explored the grounds and house. They have a rather unusual tower in the grounds beside the lovely play area for the children in the woods, but I was disappointed that the only water on offer at the cafe was £2.50 a bottle!

I do have plans for the coming 2 weeks where time allows, and hopefully it will not be as exhausting as last week. After all the unpacking, washing and ironing the garden will have priority – weather permitting, and I would like to put another maintenance coat of paint on the shed and greenhouse before the winter. We desperatley need a new garage door too and have arranged for a local company to come and quote.

As far as the house is concerned I would like to give the office / craft room a good clean and I do need to make a few more cards mainly to try and use up some of the card blanks that I bought.

I hope you all have a good week and enjoy the weather – it is a touch too hot for me and gardening might have to be kept to a minimum.

Thank you for all the comments on my last post and thank you Rachel for getting in touch and your concern – I will reply to your email shortly. There is no denying that having blog friends in tough times does help. xx

September 1, 2023

dear diary ~ home and away

Hello everyone – sorry it has been a while – we are as busy as ever here with no time for even the shortest of posts. Have you enjoyed the summer? Until we were on holiday with the family the week before last I hardly noticed the weather as our time was spent just coming and going, packing and unpacking as we made several visits to see my mum. You may notice the groove we have worn on the M62/A1M between Huddersfield and Yarm – our car can now be set on automatic.

My mum, bless her, has taken up the majority of our time since the end of May and even now, almost 3 months after her fateful fall she is still in the care home and not any easier to deal with. The carers are exasperated and so are we. Each night she complains about her pillows not being right and she cannot get comfortable. The carers take it in turns to answer her buzzer (her record to date is that she buzzed 40 times in less than 15 minutes) and no matter how many or how few pillows or the how they place them she still complains they are not right. It has become a bit of an obsession but not one anyone can help with.

Mum had almost made the decision to stay in the care home – the social worker has been and told her she can go home now and will arrange daily care and some mobility equipment (which my sister and I think is totally unsuitable and things she will not be able to work by herself – she can’t even grasp turning the electric blanket on properly or answering the mobile anything with buttons and she just presses anything and everything to get them to work!). Mum is unsettled again now and we are left to deal with the fall out…thanks to social services.

But joyous moments as always lift the dark clouds and our annual family seaside holiday in Scarborough lifted our spirits immensly. There is nothing as wonderful as getting caught up in the excitement of young children and sure enough the grandchildren had a long to do list (and it didn’t include the washing up)– donkey rides, pirate ship, the beach, the park, the entertainment, the amusements, one or two craft workshops, fossil hunting, the penny pusher in the amusement arcades and fairground rides; not forgetting the daily ice creams and of course the fish and chip supper on the last night.

I think we managed it all.

Scarborough had reported two sewage spills earlier this year on both their beaches. No information was forthcoming from the Council as to how safe it was so to be sure we went further afield to the Blue Flag beach in Filey – a 20 minute run down the coast.

My daughter who loves sailing and holds a sailing licence thought it a good idea to deviate from going on the Pirate ship this year and suggested a trip on the retired Lifeboat instead. It looked rather more risky to me perched on top of the boat rather than sitting within it like on the Pirate ship but that did not seem to phase anyone else and they came back all smiles and ready to go again. I volunteered to stay ashore with my other daughter, who is definitely not a sailor, and look after the baby and all the baggage.

We had good weather with only one day of rain so on the wet day we took a trip over to the Beck Isle Museum in Pickering. I can recommend – lovely, helpful staff, an interesting display and we were lucky to hit on a day when they had people demonstrating their crafts – patchwork, printing, blacksmithing. The children loved it as there was plenty to occupy them and as before…

I was minding the baby!

We had a day in Peaseholm park – a walk up the Glen spotting squirrels (and the occasional rat). There was face painting (a long queue) and free entertainment – this guy was brilliant – I probably laughed more than the kids – it was good old fashioned fun – just what I needed.

The week passed by so quickly but we had an enjoyable time if not a little exhausting for us oldies.

On the way home we did a detour to Yarm so we could pop in and see mum in the care home (we stayed overnight in her flat). She was surprised to see us of course but then upset when we went.

Before we came home we had a stroll round to Preston Park. Brilliant place. Last year we bought an annual pass which was about £6 each but we have used it on every visit to see my mum.

They have a small Victorian Street layed out and the most wonderful kitchen garden. I made a donation for a couple of apples on the pick your own produce stall and after a good tour around admiring the garden we had a lazy hot chocolate watching the world go by at the little tea shop.

If only our last night supper of fish and chips in Scarborough had still been at these prices! I handed over two £20 notes for ours – 3 x Fish and Chips, 2 small sausage, one mushy peas, one curry sauce and our box of standard chips to share (we had our own tin of baked beans to add to this as we are vegetarian).

When we finally got back home the larder was completely bare though I managed to find a little produce of my own in the garden. I noticed last year’s potatoes (left behind in the soil) had sprouted and grown into a nice little crop and the courgette I forgot to pick before our holiday had grown into a marrow.

Despite all the neglect in the garden there are a few little highlights here and there.

And now we are home for a few days until the next visit – there has been some hard graft taking place as the catching up commences. The house needs a good clean, there is a mountain of washing and the garden is looking disappointingly forgotten about.

I have spent two days catching up with the paperwork. Another story of neglect. I have moved some savings, moved my mobile plan to a cheaper one, and moved a great pile of filing and scanning. It feels good to get a few tasks off the list.

And now it is the first of September and it is noticeably cooler and we are waking up to plenty of grey days. Both Master Freddie and Sweetie are starting school for the first time next week, so that only leaves Baby Chocolate at home. Sweetie has already decided she wants to be a Tooth Fairy when she grows up and Master Freddie wants a career with Paw Patrol!

Oh to be young and carefree…

As always welcome to new readers and those who patiently follow along with my rather haphazard posting. One day I promise I will get better at this blogging but I know that once mum is definitely going back to her home there will be a lot of arrangements to make and it will keep me busy again. It is not unusual at the moment for me to spend hours on the phone contacting Social Workers, carers and physiotherapists to discuss mum’s progress.

Back soon x

July 20, 2023

dear diary ~ a testing time

This is another of those posts written over many days – so instead of taking time to edit and rewrite I will be leaving it as it was written on the day and just add updates as I go along.

The following was written on Monday July 10th after we got back home the last time from visiting mum in North Yorkshire.

I have been busy these last few days – it is hard to keep our house in any reasonable condition when we are just spending our time coming and going. There is only time to attend appointments, do the washing and ironing and prepare some meals to pack and take with us to eat before we go up to North Yorkshire again and stay in mum’s flat. Yesterday I managed to plant some of the annuals I grew earlier in the year; my brother has been ‘plant sitting’ for me while we have been away as there was no-one here to water them during these hot spells.

Last Saturday (July 8th) we decided that come hell or high water we were going to have a day to ourselves and go out somewhere. We packed a picnic lunch and looked at the Open Gardens website for gardens open that day in Derbyshire. Only one was open on the Saturday in a little village called Eyam which we know quite well.

We took our time getting there, stopping in the village of Bradfield where some of my relatives come from. We had elevenses at the old post office and a walk around past the new community hall, over the little bridges and back across the cricket field.

We stopped at Foolow for lunch by the duck pond – though there were no ducks this time only rain.

By the time we had finished lunch the rain had diminished to a drizzle and we walked across to the little chapel which is open to visitors (and they offer free tea and coffee and biscuits inside).

By the time we parked the car in Eyam it was obvious that umbrellas would be needed but it didn’t deter us from going around the gardens.

We began at Eyam Hall and followed the route through the village. I love to have a chat with ‘the gardener’ and discuss plants with them and I am always on the lookout for interesting ideas.

As many of you may know Eyam is quite famous as it is the village where the plague of 1665 / 66 began and the village isolated itself to stop the spread. A bit like our recent lockdowns.

Although it is a pretty peak district village it holds many sad tales as the plaques outside many of the cottages tell.

Many a family were completely wiped out and the book in the church lists all the names of those who died. A rather beautiful yet poignant stained glass window in the church commemorates the event.

Two of the open gardens held a special interest for me – the one below was once the land of a small coaching inn on the square. It was a lovely relaxed style garden but it was his magnificent barn that, in my opinion, was to die for.

Inside the barn, which he used as a tool store and potting shed, there was every implement you could want hung around the four walls. He was quite a serious gardener growing his own food and keeping chickens too and recycling a lot of materials in ingenious ways.

The other garden was so photographic it would make a good magazine spread for Country Living.

Tucked away at the end of a run of cottages along a narrow track is the Vintage Tea garden offering refreshments to visitors.

So many little seating areas to discover as you edge your way along narrow paths between the plants and crouch low under the home made rustic pergolas groaning under the weight of honeysuckle and roses.

We ended the walk around with a hot cup of tea and the satisfaction of a lovely day out.

And that is as far as I got with the post as the next few days were a mad rush to do a few household chores and to prepare, repack and make meals to take up with us to mum’s flat for our next visit the following Thursday (July 13th) whilst helping my daughter with Master Freddie.

Thursday July 20th

I am now sitting at the kitchen table while Master Freddie is having a bit of a nap (too many late nights recently) on our settee and DH has gone to do a bit of food shopping. Freddie stayed over with us last night as his new little brother, baby Chocolate, is at this moment in recovery after an operation in hospital. It appears so far that the op was a success but the affects of the anaesthesia and spinal block will not be known straight away – I pray to God that he has no breathing difficulties or neurological damage arising from administering the anaesthetics that the surgeon mentioned was a risk.

We only came back from our 6 day visit to mum last Tuesday night and even now I have barely unpacked. I have even had to have my thyroxine levels checked with the endocrinology department in Leeds as I feel so awful at the moment- they took blood the same day as my phone call to them and I received the results only a day or two later (such a wonderful service and so different to the NHS ordeal my mum went through). My levels are fine so all the palpitations and tremors must just be stress related.

I slept like a log on Tuesday night we both did – more from sheer exhaustion – and we rose quite late but I wasn’t going to feel guilty about it. It was my birthday but to be honest I didn’t have the energy to do anything as I was so tired and we had Master Freddie to stay from teatime onwards. If it hadn’t been for the lovely cards and messages my friends and family had sent I might just have overlooked it altogether this year. DH did surprise me with a new Persephone book by Dorothy Whipple called High Wages (goodness knows how he found the time to order it and be here to receive it!) Mum appeared oblivious to the fact it was soon my birthday she was far too busy complaining about anything and everything during the three hour visits we made over the six days we stayed up there. She is unable to get out of bed by herself and requires two care staff at all times to support her getting up from the bed as she is still quite wobbly and weak.

There was occasionally a glimmer of hope when she seemed quite cheerful during our first two visits – more determined to get mobile again and cooperated with the staff and physios for a couple of days. They had managed to get her out of bed and walking with the zimmer frame out to the corridor with them supporting her. They are also getting her up and sitting in a chair for her meals which is progress. They are doing everything they can to get her mobile and independant enough to go home, but as we left on Tuesday evening she had been back in bed for 2 full days refusing to get out and sit in the chair that she claims gives her headache. She told my sister she will only get out of bed when they take her back to her flat. It seems progress is one step forward and three backwards.

One minute she is too hot and then too cold, the pillows are never positioned correctly and everyone is against her and she continues to shout at the carers. One day they said she had buzzed for them 40 times in about 15 minutes and they had to be quite stern with her. We are all at our wits end, including the staff who are baffled by her behaviour and they deal with quite demanding dementia patients on a daily basis.

I am finding it a struggle to keep my patience with her – she is 97 after all and must be quite concerned for her future but the visiting is draining when she complains for most of the 3 hours and then again when I phone her each evening and I cannot make any of it alright for her.

I wish I could.

Our visits are wearing us down but I cannot see that she will make it back to her home, yet if she remains in a care home permanently it will be miserable for all of us and trying to keep up the visiting everyday is not really an option long term.

Oh well not much I can do but take it a day at a time – it is the unpredictability that starts to become stressful and no end in sight.

If you have made it this far it was good of you all to listen to my woes. I am not normally a person given to depression but I do feel rather miserable and run down at the moment – it helps to write about it and I am sure there will be many of you going through similar troubles in your life. I hope in comparison that you enjoyed the photos of our day out to Derbyshire as much as we enjoyed the trip out.

Thank you for all the kind comments on my last post, it means so much to share news good and bad.

Further update – Baby Chocolate is doing very well tonight after the operation and hopefully will continue to do so and be home soon.

Bye for now – hopefully some kind of normal life will resume and I will post again soon.

Take care everyone xx