A day of drizzle yesterday, but that was fine for me after all the hot, humid weather. We looked after Master Freddie for the last time on a weekday as he starts school today and it is such a painful parting knowing that it will only be during the school holidays and weekends that we will be able to look after him and take him out. Sweetie who is a similar age started school last week so with 3 of the 4 grandchildren now in school it is the end of an era for us. Of course we have baby Chocolate and no doubt we will be pushing the pram round the streets to the park as we did only 4 years ago with Freddie and Sweetie.
All through the hot weather I have only been doing jobs that have required minimal exertion – I am not sure if contacting the social worker meets this threshold as I know my blood pressure will rise during the conversation and often I am on the verge of saying something quite rude as the frustration with them increases. I only want what is best for mum and to keep her safe. On the other hand they pretend that this is also their aim but in the end it is the financial implications to the council that will actually determine this.
If you happen to require a lot of medical attention as a baby in intensive care it is most likely provided despite the cost…but fast forward to the last years of your life when you are equally frail and vulnerable and the care is not quite so forthcoming. This not to say that the carers themselves do not care – they do and are heroes – elderly people are not quite so cute and cuddly as a baby and the whole set up in care homes and for care in the home is grossly under resourced and underfunded. I only hope the powers that be that set the rules and guidelines experience the difficulties my mum is going through.
It was my late dad’s birthday yesterday (sadly, he shares the date with the 7/11 disaster), he would have been 101 had he lived. He was such a caring, gentle man and I still miss him everyday seventeen years on.
This is him with mum on their wedding day in 1946
The wedding took place at Wadsley Parish Church in Sheffield.
and my wedding day in 1976
and their Golden Wedding anniversary in 1996.
Sadly he died a few months before his Diamond Wedding anniversary in 2006.
Mum, bless her, never even mentioned him – she is far too involved with her own troubles at the moment to even remember. I thought it best not to mention it so she didn’t get even more upset. She would normally have remebered her wedding anniversary day too back in August but again the date never registered with her.
Before I went away I managed to get all our finances up to date but already after the space of a week the pile is growing. I have various bill payments to set up online and contact the Skipton yet again about my ISA account which should have been transferred back in March to a higher paying interest account and it was overlooked at a great loss of interest to me. I did get to change my mobile provider from Vodaphone to Lebara (who piggy back on Vodaphone). My rolling contract has increased data for a lower monthly payment.
We have absolutely no fresh veg in the house other than a few potatoes and a handful of tomatoes from the garden. I am not looking forward to going shopping this week, in fact we really need to have a spend free month to offset the enormous petrol costs we are incurring going up and down the 90 miles to see mum. Whichever shelf or aisle you look down at the supermarket I think the average price for an item is now hitting ÂŁ3. We take advantage any offers that come our way but even this is not reducing the weekly spend on food or toiletries. You can scrimp and save here and there but the minute you go out for the day and buy ice creams or a drink out you are looking at handing over that ÂŁ20 note and not receiving very much change. The ice creams for 6 of us at the National Trust shop came to ÂŁ16.20. There were no childrens cones just Magnums, Cornetto’s and those little, even more expensive, tubs of award winning ice cream.
Today we have to take the car back to the garage as for some reason during the hot weather the car fails to start until we open the bonnet for 5 minutes and then it is fine until the next time we stop and park the car!
Despite the hot weather Autumn is advancing so I need to begin clearing up in the garden. I did an hour of tidying in the greenhouse on Sunday and I now have a stack of seed trays and small plant pots to wash out and dry ready for next year. I did quite a bit of clearing in the shaded part of the garden too – cutting down perennial flowers that are definitely over now. Some of them have regenerated like the catmint that I cut back before our holidays but the majority are well and truly over. The string of solar lights didn’t even come on last night because it was mainly overcast all day so I will probably take them down, clean them up and pack away for next year too. I might leave the compost turning to DH after I empty the side that has the well rotted compost, this warm weather has created such a wonderful rich, dark, crumbly compost which I am adding to the borders as I weed them.
For anyone who is having difficulty leaving a comment and I know there are a few readers who are – to find the comment box you need to click on the post title and it takes you through to the comment page. You do not have to leave your name and email but I believe it is better if you do.
I am having a lot of trouble commenting on Blogger blogs as I usually sign in with Google and I often have to click on the Google option a few times before it brings up my name otherwise it stays as anonymous.
Back soon, take care x
wherethejourneytakesme2.blog 
It’s hard to see them grow up and start school, Will has just started his 3rd year, George will start next September and Molly the years afterwards. The hardest part is not seeing them so much. You must be exhausted, all the travelling and worry. So many of our services have been allowed to decline, for years the country was well off, but instead of investing, they only wanted to lower taxes and now we are left with cheap Britain. I have stopped cutting back some of my plants until spring, allowing the bugs a place to over winter. Please find time for yourself.
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There is a long wait in the care home for assistance to the toilet – the buzzers are constantly going, it seems like they run on a skeleton staff.
I usually cut back the plant and then lay the stems over the crown to protect it from future winter frosts – hopefully the bugs will get shelter there. I don’t treat them all this way as some plants seem to attract mould and disease if they don’t have enough air around them.
I could certainly do with a holiday!
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You’re so, so right about any conversation with a social worker and right too about the level of care afforded to the elderly especially if they have property or savings. It can only be described as banging your head up a brick wall with them and you feel so frustrated as there’s nowhere or no-one else to turn to. That’s how we felt about Dad’s care. Have you had ‘the phone call’ with the awards officer yet? Or do you have that ordeal to come.
My grandchildren are older than yours, and it’s only a matter of time that I shall be needed for during the school holidays now, they grow up so fast and are such a pleasure it’s sad when it comes to an end.
As I said yesterday, take care of yourself, the stress of the travelling, trying my hardest to help care for Dad, arranging his funeral, sorting his pensions and finances, then having to teach my nearly 90 year old Mom how to manage a budget, resulted in me developing a heart complaint, so do try to stop and try to rest when you can, you need to take care of you too – good luck, Sandra x
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Yes we had the finance officer on the phone quite early on – it is remarkable that normally they say they have not been able to get in touch with me yet my phone shows no missed calls. I even had to take the block off unknown numbers as they have a habit of using a private number so you cannot ring them back. Funny though that whenever it has been to do with finances they never have a problem getting through to me!!
I am so sorry to hear about your dad – my mum was the same with budgeting when my dad died when she was 80. Dad just gave her weekly housekeeping in cash she had never paid a bill or written a cheque. My sister has done it all for her since as it was too hard for mum to understand.
I was hoping for a rest in these next two weeks but now mum has been given a date of next Monday so will have to travel back up again.
Thank you for your supportive comments and I wish you well with all your issues too. xx
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It would seem we are going through very similar times with our Mums at the moment. We had a two hour meeting with her social worker the other week, it could have been done in a quarter of the time but she did like to make it appear that she was doing so much to help, when in effect when we looked back at the notes that Alan had taken she just went over and over the same things a few times and tried to make it appear that she had sorted something out, she didn’t … we did. It’s very frustrating, the system is just failing for the elderly and will only get worse as the population ages.
The wedding photos are absolutely wonderful, both your Mum’s and yours. I married for the first time in 1978 so just two years after you.
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I have a notebook full of notes – I log every call and discussion with person’s name, date and time and that is exhausting in itself. They say my mum has capacity but we question that – who in their right minds calls a neighbour 40 times in the middle of the night or 999 because the carer has not answered the buzzer soon enough to tuck her feet in again or arrange her pillows! We have not put any money on her mobile since so she cannot contact anyone and make a nuisance of herself – this does not stop her trying though and all the calls she has attempted show up on the phone log. I dread to think what is going to happen when she is back in her flat and using the landline which we cannot block in the same way! I ring in every evening at about 7pm so I still have contact with her when I am not up there visiting. x
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I love all the photos- we married in 1979 – have you noticed that dresses in the 70s tended to be “slimmer” but after Princess Di’s wedding in 1981, there was a trend towards full “pouffy” skirts? What a lovely summer with the grandchildren – they grow up so fast. My parents would have been 99 this year – I miss them so much [they both died back in the 1990s, but it feels like yesterday] I am so sorry for my friends in the “sandwich” generation – caring for elderly relatives AND younger ones too. You’re right about the difficulty of obtaining support for older people. I really admire your determination to help all your family members , whatever their age. And you clearly work so hard at bringing joy. I LOVE that pizza face!! Take note of the comments above, and be sure to take care of YOURSELVES too đź’“
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I know I will miss mum when she does go but I will certainly not miss the agro she causes! She is 97 now but quite a tough cookie and I think she may well be one of these people who live to well over a hundred. At this rate she will certainly outlive me as I am totally worn out!
I am really missing the grandchildren they put so much energy into the house.
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