Category: dEAr diary

a chat about my day

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dear diary :: come what May

A very apt quote at the moment for these strange times – not quite the rough winds we think of but we are certainly being shaken at the moment…to the core. Everything we took for normal in our lives has been turned upside down – but May is here – one of the loveliest months of the year and hopefully with a promise of a wonderful summer ahead, even if we are still in lock down or social distancing.

After the party it was recovery time. Sometimes it might seem that our family life is just one celebration after another….and looking through our vast photo collection that is probably a fair assumption, and it pleases me to think that even in these difficult times we managed to come together as a family to carry on and celebrate as we always have done.

Thank you for all your kind comments about the party – we did have a fun time – but I look forward to the day when the whole family can gather together for a grand summer picnic – even if we have to keep 2 metres apart.

Since Sunday I have been doing the usual washing and ironing, dusting and hoovering and tending to some of those little tasks on my list; I was determined not to carry over too many of my unfinished April tasks into May; so I had a big push to tick off as many as I could from the list – such a pleasurable task in itself.

So I am left with those ‘don’t like to do jobs’ such as cleaning the coals and jets on the gas fire, tackling the shredding pile and cleaning the car – but these can be spread amongst the feel good tasks of making a blackberry and apple crumble to use up the fruit in the freezer, finishing the tea cosy I started goodness knows when and sending for the Doves Farm organic flour recipe book.

The cleaning of doorknobs and counter tops has become a little ritual now each day. I had stopped using most commercial cleaners other than an eco cleaner but most of the research says that many cleaners like vinegar will not kill the Covid virus and that a cleaner with bleach is the most reliable. So not leaving anything to chance I am resorting to a kitchen cleaner containing bleach to wipe down with but I certainly won’t be injecting it! (This is not an advert for Flash either – it is the only cleaner containing bleach that I could find on the shelf at the supermarket).

There might be extra little household jobs to take care of at the moment but it has been a time of leisurely breakfasts – I always start the day with some creamy organic yoghurt and a little fruit whatever we have managed to get at the supermarket. This week it has been bananas, grapefruit and oranges.

My pantry is still quite well stocked – there are plenty of meals I can make using all these dried goods – it is only the baking flour that remains unobtainable, but cutting down on the cakes and pastries will be no bad thing and now the warmer weather is here we are turning to lighter meals of salads and slaws. DH does a wonderful job of chopping up the grapefruit and oranges and saves a slice for my morning ginger tea with a blob of manuka honey.

I have spent some time updating my garden folder – here I catalogue all the plants bought and seeds sown with notes on the care they need. I bought the very last packet of small plant labels in Sainsbury’s to mark some of the plants in the garden where I need to remember the variety and also to remind me where some of the bulbs are planted so I don’t inadvertently dig them up! I saw some lovely metal daisy bulb markers on the internet but they are £10 for only 5 markers so I am looking to make some wire ones of my own when inspiration falls upon me.

I had been so busy with the party I had forgotten that the Easter decorations were still out; whilst I packed them away I removed a few bits for the charity pile – like Christmas baubles it is easy to accumulate too many decorative eggs. I also had a quick look through my box of summery decor to switch things about – there are all sorts of goodies in here, mainly shells and oddments I have found on the beach. I have in mind to do a series of shell sketches but there are so many beautiful flowers starting to bloom in the garden I rather think when the weather improves again you will find me doing a little sketching out there.

It has not been all work in the garden this week – I have found time to sit awhile – lock down has certainly generated a very calming and peaceful atmosphere; one where you can stop and hear your own thoughts for a while, put them in order and generally have the time to ponder and daydream a little. It appears that the merry-go-round has briefly stopped and it has revealed a new life, one that I could buy into very easily and it has also raised many questions of where we go from here – what shape we want our lives to be in the future, and as the world is itching to get back to ‘normal’ now, the big question is will it be the normal we once knew or a very new normal of our choosing?

For many people who have lost loved ones it will be a frightening time – adjusting to life without a wife / husband / parent and possibly without financial means. My heart goes out to them.

The state of the economy is such a large and complicated matter – it seems to rule the world now and is (as we see from the Trump briefings and American demonstrations) more important than people. Our spending keeps so many people in work, clothed and fed but in fact I have not been at all bothered by the lack of shops open and have not bought anything but food and a few toiletries…oh and the plant labels of course. I could quite happily carry on along this road – for me lock down has highlighted even more that there is so little we actually need and I am no less content because I cannot spend. My bank account has never looked so healthy, even though food is costing a lot more – but will we be damaging the economy and other people’s livelihoods if we don’t spend again after lock down?

It is such a dilemma, one that I have been thinking about quite a lot recently. I expect the inevitable recession will actually prevent us from overspending anyway and so it may be even more important to recycle, and repurpose rather than buy more needless stuff. In my new Country Living magazine is an interview with Kirsty Allsop – she is a great campaigner for sustainability and grew up with the idea that you never buy anything new. Over the years disposable has become the norm and even now in lock down so many people have taken the opportunity to declutter as our houses are stuffed full and some of that decluttering is sadly being dumped on our country lanes and harming the wildlife. It all feels such a huge insurmountable problem as large as the mountains of waste we produce.

At the beginning of the week the weather began to change….so much cooler with quite grey skies so I decided to bring a little of the garden inside. The cherry tree blossom is fading fast now and the petals have fallen like snowflakes onto the lawn, but there are still a few heads of blossom to cut and I have drifts of self-seeded snow white honesty, aquilegia and forget-me-knots and a very profuse clematis montana.

Just a few snips of each and my window sill is now like a mini garden.

I have also been pressing a few of the flower heads and petals ready for another card making session.

I planted five bulbs of this frilly little narcissus with its delicate apricot ruffles in a pot last November – they have taken a long time to open but what sheer delight when they did – I absolutely love them – they remind me of the time when I made weddding dresses and I was surrounded by flounces and peachy frills.

The strawberry pot full of chives not strawberries (don’t ask!) are growing so well at the moment it seemed a good time to make my Cheesey Leek ramekins. Needless to say when I came to make the recipe we only had the one leek left so in usual lock down style I had to improvise and tossed in the remaining few button mushrooms and a chopped courgette to bulk out the mixture.

It worked out quite well and if anything they turned out even nicer than usual and I will definitely be using these adaptations in future. I will add the recipe to my collection for anyone wanting to try them. They are quick and easy and hot or cold go well with any salad.

My mum continues to get a little brighter each day although she still has some weepy moments when the situation becomes too overwhelming for her and she worries for the future and wonders if she will ever get her hip problem assessed. I promise her as soon as we are allowed to travel we will be up to see her and if possible take her out somewhere to escape the four walls she has now been looking at for the last few months.

Meanwhile younger daughter, coping alone with two young children 24/7 finds a few moments of peace by leaving the girls occupied and safe in the garden and taking 5 minutes to go inside and just sit and stare at the wall!!

And just before I go welcome to the many new followers….was it something I said??

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dear diary :: forty years young

I am still finding it hard to believe I have a daughter who is forty. I can still remember the day she was born and the joy that I felt holding her in my arms for the very first time. She was nicknamed Peaches from the start, as she was quite jaundiced for a while, and looking back over the last forty years we have had so many delightful moments together and so many parties and so many cakes. Now she is a mother herself about to travel along the same path but in quite different times.

Of all the parties I have ever organised, or attended, this must have been the strangest – but it was also great fun and thanks to all my family who somehow against all the odds managed to make it a special day for my daughter’s fortieth birthday. We even had family members join in the video link up from the car on their way to the supermarket.

Of course not everything went to plan…it reminded me of an amateur dramatics society’s first night where blunders often abound….. but all add to the fun.

I had decided to make a naked fresh cream and fruit cake for my daughter with strawberries and blueberries – and what a challenge that proved to be, certainly not as easy as the pictures on pinterest would suggest! The baking part went without mishap but, just like the buttercream on the cake I made for little Freddie’s first birthday earlier in the year, I couldn’t get a smooth finish with the double cream on this one either – although to my relief it tasted just fine. I only had 8″ sandwich tins so had to cut each cake down to just under 7″ as there would only be the two of them (daughter and her husband) to eat it. I am keeping the off cuts to make a trifle, when I can get to the shops for some fresh raspberries.

The cake, card and flowers were delivered on the day to my daughter’s doorstep as we passed on our way to the supermarket for some fresh milk. My daughter had no idea of what we were planning for her in the afternoon. We all connected in to Zoom at 2 o’clock so that we could surprise her when her DH logged in at ten past two.

Each guest was asked to make a party hat to wear and a bun with a candle in so we could all light them together and sing happy birthday. I baked enough buns to use the happy birthday candles I found in my pantry and decorated them with my favourite sprinkles, though not enough fudgy bits for my liking. DH and I are still wading our way through these – such hardship! So far we have had them with afternoon tea in the garden and with a little of the leftover fresh cream and then when that ran out some ice cream – I am dreading getting onto the scales on Friday as I am sure I will have gained weight during this lock down.

The whole family got into the spirit of the day and produced hats, balloons and banners – even some disco lighting. The only balloons I could find were ‘Happy 3rd Birthday’ but I blew them up anyway – improvising in these strange times seems quite normal now.

My daughter was both surprised and delighted especially when Little L painstakingly did a solo tune of happy birthday with one finger on her piano followed by me on the handbells. And isn’t Zoom marvellous, DH managed to share on screen a few photos of our dear daughter’s earlier life to entertain everyone and Little L drew her a very sweet Happy Birthday picture. We drank a toast (I managed to find a bottle of ginger beer in the garage from a past party – and it was rather scrummy) and then played the ‘Daughter Quiz’ I had prepared. DH tried hard to keep up with the scoring on the score board though I am sure through all the rabble it wasn’t at all accurate and we ended up with a tie breaker question – it was amazing how much knowledge my family had – but in the end it was Aunty P that won. Then everyone did the very British thing that we all do in difficult times – made a cup of tea.

We all had a marvellous time thanks to technology, but how exhausting to be linked into Zoom chatting and partying for over 2 hours – and we all said how tired we were afterwards… but it was a day of making memories and will be a birthday we will never forget.

Stay safe everyone – hoping you are all well. x

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dear diary :: settling into a new normal

Hello everyone, just thought I would stop by and let you know all is well here and I hope it is with you too. Isn’t the weather just glorious – I so want to have a picnic but it will have to be in the back garden?

We went shopping last Monday teatime for the first time in two weeks, so I will be holding my breath for the seven days of incubation time and crossing fingers in the hope I did not come into contact with anything – but so far the virus is not with us.

I see it isn’t getting any better in the shops though – still no flour and very few baking items, empty shelves where there was once pasta and eggs and it is hit and miss in the veg department with missing produce. Added to which social distancing seems to go out of the window in the supermarket and it becomes a test of wills of who will move out of the way when two trollies are headed towards each other – of course it is always me – I have no interest in having a battle or catching this virus at any cost.

We continue to use up every last morsel of food and have produced one or two happy accidents. This soup was made from the very last piece of a wrinkled red pepper, a rather soft carrot and sprouting potato with the last of the leeks and a handful of red lentils thrown in. We decided it looked far too nice and colourful to put through the blender and it tasted so good too so we will be making it again but maybe next time from fresh ingredients.

It is a strange world now but I do like some of the benefits – staying home and getting projects finished for one and being able to cross the road freely and safely down in our village ….and the total lack of traffic noise – I love the calmness that seems to surround us now – it is so peaceful on our little cul-de-sac and there is a feeling of the world slowing down a little and everyone becoming more observant of what is going on around us.

I have now got used to doing a huge shop that will last a fortnight and the abscence of letters on the doormat each morning (they were mainly bills and statements anyway)……but I do miss some of the more familiar things like the church bells and bell practise ringing out – the silence can be disturbing at times and the half hour strained recorder practise of the little girl next door in the garden everyday is not quite the same – I have been known to time my daily walk to coincide with it! I also miss the things we would normally be doing at this time of year – going for picnics, walks along the beach at the cottage and wandering around the open gardens but most of all I miss the grandchildren.

I feel we are living in a bit of a bubble though because staying at home we are cut off from witnessing the horrors happening out in the wider world in hospital and care homes up and down the country, and other than reports on the news I have no idea of anyone’s plight, the fact they may have been plunged into financial disaster overnight, lost loved ones before their time or are facing a terrible struggle each day to keep patients alive whilst at the same time being worried about their own safety and that of their own families.

My mum feels even more cut off than we do – she has not left the building now for months and cannot see the wider world at all from her window only the grounds of the apartment block she lives in, which is of course empty of people coming and going.

Still we will endure.

Even with all this extra time I still have a growing list of jobs and projects that would keep me busy for the rest of the year. All those things I thought I would do when I stopped working are now being attended to…but very slowly, because as life seems to have slowed down so have I. And I quite like it.

This simplified life allows you to take stock and gather your thoughts – it is a bit like being on a permanent holiday where you rest a little, work a little and play a little….and eat well of course. It is what retirement, for us, might be like if we didn’t have all the pressures of normal life.

The garden has been a welcome haven to escape into. Seeds have been sown for veg and bedding plants – some have been more successful than others. I always thought it was difficult not to grow nasturtiums but I was proved wrong when the last few seeds in last year’s packet almost failed to germinate – only 3 plants decided to grow. Luckily I found another packet in Sainsbury’s and have sown another batch.

With a run of very cool nights I managed to adapt some old wire cloches we had in the potting shed so that the boxes with the newly sown salad seeds could be tucked up warmly against the cold night air.

The courgettes, now transferred into the mini greenhouse, are coming along nicely and can be planted out soon. I can’t wait to be eating some fresh produce from the garden.

I spoke before of the photograph book we are compiling for my elder daughter’s 40th birthday of her life so far – it has been an emotional trip down memory lane sifting through boxes of photos of the family’s early years up until they flew the nest. Thank goodness for Facebook too, as I have been able to copy down photos from friend’s albums of girly weekends, get togethers, holidays and other events with her friends that we were not part of or have any record of to fill in the gaps and so the book can remain a surprise.

It is wonderful to see how she has changed over the years – always the fun loving girl now grown into a beautiful young woman. Travel has always been a big part of her life and adventure – she has a sailing license, had surfing and diving lessons, can speak Greek and has been on a world trip. I wonder in amazement how she has packed it all in!

Sunday is her birthday day – we have most of the wider family on standby to link in through Zoom and have a virtual surprise party. The instructions have been given out – each participant must make a party hat and have a bun with a candle on top to light and I am hoping Little L may be able to give us a tune of Happy Birthday on her little piano with me accompanying her on the handbells. I just hope that when we start singing everyone does not rush off to wash their hands as it has become a bit of an iconic song now!

We will also be playing a party game or two – I have compiled a fun quiz with questions all about my daughter with multiple choice answers to make it easier to guess.

The card is made too – some readers may remember this one from before – I tend to make them for those big ‘0’ birthdays – it is a series of my watercolour sketches stuck together to form a tiny concertina book. They are quite time consuming but much nicer than a bought card.

I have been making other cards too using prints of old watercolour sketches taken from my sketch books that I have done over the years – there are always birthdays, anniversaries and thank you cards required every month – it is hard to keep up and my stocks of cards are quite low.

I have been snipping a few of the spring flowers to press to make more pressed flower cards too. I love the daisies and forget-me-nots that have appeared all over the garden; my borders are a sea of blue.

So that is my news at the moment – I am told the garden at our cottage is lovely at the moment – though heaven knows when we will see it ourselves.

I hope you and yours are all doing well and you are managing to cope with the new normal and that life has not been too difficult.

Stay safe and well x

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dear diary :: Easter Sunday

Easter Sunday today, but one of course with a difference and one we will always remember for being in ‘lock down’ if nothing else. Today feels quite a sombre one and as I looked out over our cul-de-sac this glorious Easter morning all was just so peaceful and calm, even though so many people are at home nothing out there is stirring.

Easter, like Christmas, is a great fusion of both religious and pagan festivities and as with Christmas in our household we have tended to incorporate a little of everything into our celebrations as well as creating a few traditions of our own.

Over time the Easter bunny, chocolate Easter eggs and now Easter gifts and decorations have been heavily promoted in the shops and it can feel like the message of Easter, like the message of Christmas gets a little lost in all the hype.

The Easter bunny and laying of eggs that are hidden in the garden can be traced back to documentation from 13th Century onwards and for younger children, like the coming of Santa Claus on Christmas Eve, it is an exciting day especially if it involves an Easter egg hunt – but for many children this Easter staying in might seem a little dull.

Like our neighbours two little girls, Little L was ‘super’ excited yesterday when I spoke to her on the phone. Even though the whole world is currently in turmoil children still have the ability to accept things and live in the moment and Easter will be something they can celebrate even in the lock down at home – I hope she will not be too disappointed with the one egg (that luckily her mum had managed to buy a while ago) and a lack of a family gathering with grannies, aunts and cousins. I am sure that in the absence of a chocolate egg hunt my daughter will have thought of something creative in its place. Since school closed they have been busy ‘crafting’ for Easter – colouring in patterned eggs, making cards and icing biscuits. Having the theme of Easter to work with has made it easier for my daughter to occupy this lively 5 year old.

The egg, chocolate or otherwise is an important symbol of new life and quite appropriate at the moment whilst the news reminds us daily of the heavy death toll this virus is causing. So many loved ones lost, such unprecedented times to live through – so the meaning of Easter whether the religious one or the pagan one is there to give us hope.

As the saying goes this is not some dress rehearsal – we are all having to pick our way through this as best we can, trying to abide by the ‘spirit of the rules’ that are there to restrict our movements, keep us safe and prevent further deaths. It can seem like an easy task to fulfil, but in reality it is not; every person’s situation is different and making constant decisions as to whether something is essential and in the spirit or not is both testing and exhausting. I am sure at times we don’t always get it right either and it feels a bit like Brexit all over again with so much judgement and criticism being handed out.

Like our family, other families have their own concerns and risks to minimise; giving help and comfort to others whilst also protecting themselves is a fine balancing act. So I thought I would mention some of the issues we are facing as a family and how we are trying to cope with these whilst staying within the spirit.

Just as NHS workers have been criticised by their watchful neighbours for driving off in the car (to go to work) I have heard of the dustbin men being criticised for handling the bins and the postmen for continuing to deliver the post. I am making sure that I have a thank you message on my dustbin and one by the letter box as I think they are doing a good job – I would not like to see our rubbish build up and receiving letters and cards can be a lifeline to some. My granddaughter has been kept busy writing letters to me and then she looks forward to one in return. My Aunt in a care home with no visitors allowed and my mum are two other family members who do not have the internet and look forward to receiving my letters and cards with updates and pictures of the family.

My daughter in North Yorkshire who has just moved to a new area and knows no-one there is on her own with two young children to look after and entertain because her husband is himself looking after and cooking for key workers that are staying in an empty hotel. Because the risks of going home and spreading the virus to his family would be too great they are living apart but this means our daughter has to take the children with her to get food and nappies etc if they cannot get a delivery. It is a risk she would rather not take but not helped by the awful looks that have come her way in the supermarket now that they are limiting the number of household members allowed in, but she has no option as she can hardly get a babysitter! She was using a little farm shop where she could leave the children in the car outside and dash in – but sadly they decided to close.

We drop off bags on the way to or from the supermarket to our other daughter who lives close by – they have had what seems like colds and been unwell on and off for a few weeks, not knowing if it is the virus or not they have stayed home to protect others and we have helped out with deliveries of food and medicine to their doorstep – the last bag we took included the Easter egg I had decorated – I didn’t take that decision lightly. To onlookers I suppose it may seem like we are visiting.

As many readers will know my mum is 94 and has not been well. She is at that place in her life when she is just on the verge of not being able to look after herself completely and much depends on how well she feels each day. She is waiting to see if anything can be done medically to help her mobility but of course that will not happen at the moment. The virus and lock down have added to our problems. My sister continues to visit 4 times a week and an official carer the remaining 3 days for a teatime slot. She is taking her some food, cooking her meals, washing her bedding, clothes and hair – all the necessities of caring and caring for a vulnerable person is still allowed under the government rules but to the other more able residents it might look like my sister is just dropping in for a chat!

My daughter will reach the grand age of 40 (notice I didn’t say old) this month but the celebration we would have had for family and friends is of course cancelled. It is quite important to me to celebrate the forty wonderful years since she was born and especially because at one time I thought I might not be around to see this moment. (For readers who might not know I was diagnosed with Thyroid cancer that had spread into the lymph nodes, but have survived). So although it might seem a little frivolous in these difficult times, when others are grieving for the loss of their loved ones, I will be trying to gather family members together, courtesy of Zoom, to a virtual surprise party to celebrate her life so far and let her know how special she is.

So as you can see we have situations to resolve the best way we can, nothing is quite so black and white or clear cut but I will carry on using my own judgements to get us all through this safely and let everyone else decide what is best for them and their families. I am sure the very last thing that any of us would want was to think that we had indirectly caused the death of anyone by our actions.

The message Jesus gave us was very simple – ‘Love one another’ and there are so many acts of love out there and we are all trying to do our bit in the best way we can to keep the death toll to a minimum.

I wish you a peaceful day this Easter Sunday. x