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dear diary ~ home and away

Hello everyone – sorry it has been a while – we are as busy as ever here with no time for even the shortest of posts.  Have you enjoyed the summer? Until we were on holiday with the family the week before last I hardly noticed the weather as our time was spent just coming and going, packing and unpacking as we made several visits to see my mum. You may notice the groove we have worn on the M62/A1M between Huddersfield and Yarm – our car can now be set on automatic.

My mum, bless her, has taken up the majority of our time since the end of May and even now, almost 3 months after her fateful fall she is still in the care home and not any easier to deal with.  The carers are exasperated and so are we.  Each night she complains about her pillows not being right and she cannot get comfortable.  The carers take it in turns to answer her buzzer (her record to date is that she buzzed 40 times in less than 15 minutes) and no matter how many or how few pillows or the how they place them she still complains they are not right.  It has become a bit of an obsession but not one anyone can help with.

Mum had almost made the decision to stay in the care home – the social worker has been and told her she can go home now and will arrange daily care and some mobility equipment (which my sister and I think is totally unsuitable and things she will not be able to work by herself – she can’t even grasp turning the electric blanket on properly or answering the mobile anything with buttons and she just presses anything and everything to get them to work!). Mum is unsettled again now and we are left to deal with the fall out…thanks to social services.

But joyous moments as always lift the dark clouds and our annual family seaside holiday in Scarborough lifted our spirits immensly. There is nothing as wonderful as getting caught up in the excitement of young children and sure enough the grandchildren had a long to do list (and it didn’t include the washing up)– donkey rides, pirate ship, the beach, the park, the entertainment, the amusements, one or two craft workshops, fossil hunting, the penny pusher in the amusement arcades and fairground rides; not forgetting the daily ice creams and of course the fish and chip supper on the last night.

I think we managed it all.

Scarborough had reported two sewage spills earlier this year on both their beaches. No information was forthcoming from the Council as to how safe it was so to be sure we went further afield to the Blue Flag beach in Filey – a 20 minute run down the coast.

My daughter who loves sailing and holds a sailing licence thought it a good idea to deviate from going on the Pirate ship this year and suggested a trip on the retired Lifeboat instead. It looked rather more risky to me perched on top of the boat rather than sitting within it like on the Pirate ship but that did not seem to phase anyone else and they came back all smiles and ready to go again. I volunteered to stay ashore with my other daughter, who is definitely not a sailor, and look after the baby and all the baggage.

We had good weather with only one day of rain so on the wet day we took a trip over to the Beck Isle Museum in Pickering.  I can recommend – lovely, helpful staff, an interesting display and we were lucky to hit on a day when they had people demonstrating their crafts – patchwork, printing, blacksmithing. The children loved it as there was plenty to occupy them and as before…

I was minding the baby!

We had a day in Peaseholm park – a walk up the Glen spotting squirrels (and the occasional rat). There was face painting (a long queue) and free entertainment – this guy was brilliant – I probably laughed more than the kids – it was good old fashioned fun – just what I needed.

The week passed by so quickly but we had an enjoyable time if not a little exhausting for us oldies.

On the way home we did a detour to Yarm so we could pop in and see mum in the care home (we stayed overnight in her flat). She was surprised to see us of course but then upset when we went.

Before we came home we had a stroll round to Preston Park. Brilliant place. Last year we bought an annual pass which was about £6 each but we have used it on every visit to see my mum.

They have a small Victorian Street layed out and the most wonderful kitchen garden. I made a donation for a couple of apples on the pick your own produce stall and after a good tour around admiring the garden we had a lazy hot chocolate watching the world go by at the little tea shop.

If only our last night supper of fish and chips in Scarborough had still been at these prices! I handed over two £20 notes for ours – 3 x Fish and Chips, 2 small sausage, one mushy peas, one curry sauce and our box of standard chips to share (we had our own tin of baked beans to add to this as we are vegetarian).

When we finally got back home the larder was completely bare though I managed to find a little produce of my own in the garden. I noticed last year’s potatoes (left behind in the soil) had sprouted and grown into a nice little crop and the courgette I forgot to pick before our holiday had grown into a marrow.

Despite all the neglect in the garden there are a few little highlights here and there.

And now we are home for a few days until the next visit – there has been some hard graft taking place as the catching up commences. The house needs a good clean, there is a mountain of washing and the garden is looking disappointingly forgotten about.

I have spent two days catching up with the paperwork. Another story of neglect. I have moved some savings, moved my mobile plan to a cheaper one, and moved a great pile of filing and scanning. It feels good to get a few tasks off the list.

And now it is the first of September and it is noticeably cooler and we are waking up to plenty of grey days. Both Master Freddie and Sweetie are starting school for the first time next week, so that only leaves Baby Chocolate at home. Sweetie has already decided she wants to be a Tooth Fairy when she grows up and Master Freddie wants a career with Paw Patrol!

Oh to be young and carefree…

As always welcome to new readers and those who patiently follow along with my rather haphazard posting. One day I promise I will get better at this blogging but I know that once mum is definitely going back to her home there will be a lot of arrangements to make and it will keep me busy again. It is not unusual at the moment for me to spend hours on the phone contacting Social Workers, carers and physiotherapists to discuss mum’s progress.

Back soon x

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dear diary ~ a testing time

This is another of those posts written over many days – so instead of taking time to edit and rewrite I will be leaving it as it was written on the day and just add updates as I go along.

The following was written on Monday July 10th after we got back home the last time from visiting mum in North Yorkshire.

I have been busy these last few days – it is hard to keep our house in any reasonable condition when we are just spending our time coming and going. There is only time to attend appointments, do the washing and ironing and prepare some meals to pack and take with us to eat before we go up to North Yorkshire again and stay in mum’s flat. Yesterday I managed to plant some of the annuals I grew earlier in the year; my brother has been ‘plant sitting’ for me while we have been away as there was no-one here to water them during these hot spells.

Last Saturday (July 8th) we decided that come hell or high water we were going to have a day to ourselves and go out somewhere. We packed a picnic lunch and looked at the Open Gardens website for gardens open that day in Derbyshire. Only one was open on the Saturday in a little village called Eyam which we know quite well.

We took our time getting there, stopping in the village of Bradfield where some of my relatives come from. We had elevenses at the old post office and a walk around past the new community hall, over the little bridges and back across the cricket field.

We stopped at Foolow for lunch by the duck pond – though there were no ducks this time only rain.

By the time we had finished lunch the rain had diminished to a drizzle and we walked across to the little chapel which is open to visitors (and they offer free tea and coffee and biscuits inside).

By the time we parked the car in Eyam it was obvious that umbrellas would be needed but it didn’t deter us from going around the gardens.

We began at Eyam Hall and followed the route through the village. I love to have a chat with ‘the gardener’ and discuss plants with them and I am always on the lookout for interesting ideas.

As many of you may know Eyam is quite famous as it is the village where the plague of 1665 / 66 began and the village isolated itself to stop the spread. A bit like our recent lockdowns.

Although it is a pretty peak district village it holds many sad tales as the plaques outside many of the cottages tell.

Many a family were completely wiped out and the book in the church lists all the names of those who died. A rather beautiful yet poignant stained glass window in the church commemorates the event.

Two of the open gardens held a special interest for me – the one below was once the land of a small coaching inn on the square. It was a lovely relaxed style garden but it was his magnificent barn that, in my opinion, was to die for.

Inside the barn, which he used as a tool store and potting shed, there was every implement you could want hung around the four walls. He was quite a serious gardener growing his own food and keeping chickens too and recycling a lot of materials in ingenious ways.

The other garden was so photographic it would make a good magazine spread for Country Living.

Tucked away at the end of a run of cottages along a narrow track is the Vintage Tea garden offering refreshments to visitors.

So many little seating areas to discover as you edge your way along narrow paths between the plants and crouch low under the home made rustic pergolas groaning under the weight of honeysuckle and roses.

We ended the walk around with a hot cup of tea and the satisfaction of a lovely day out.

And that is as far as I got with the post as the next few days were a mad rush to do a few household chores and to prepare, repack and make meals to take up with us to mum’s flat for our next visit the following Thursday (July 13th) whilst helping my daughter with Master Freddie.

Thursday July 20th

I am now sitting at the kitchen table while Master Freddie is having a bit of a nap (too many late nights recently) on our settee and DH has gone to do a bit of food shopping. Freddie stayed over with us last night as his new little brother, baby Chocolate, is at this moment in recovery after an operation in hospital. It appears so far that the op was a success but the affects of the anaesthesia and spinal block will not be known straight away – I pray to God that he has no breathing difficulties or neurological damage arising from administering the anaesthetics that the surgeon mentioned was a risk.

We only came back from our 6 day visit to mum last Tuesday night and even now I have barely unpacked. I have even had to have my thyroxine levels checked with the endocrinology department in Leeds as I feel so awful at the moment- they took blood the same day as my phone call to them and I received the results only a day or two later (such a wonderful service and so different to the NHS ordeal my mum went through). My levels are fine so all the palpitations and tremors must just be stress related.

I slept like a log on Tuesday night we both did – more from sheer exhaustion – and we rose quite late but I wasn’t going to feel guilty about it. It was my birthday but to be honest I didn’t have the energy to do anything as I was so tired and we had Master Freddie to stay from teatime onwards. If it hadn’t been for the lovely cards and messages my friends and family had sent I might just have overlooked it altogether this year. DH did surprise me with a new Persephone book by Dorothy Whipple called High Wages (goodness knows how he found the time to order it and be here to receive it!) Mum appeared oblivious to the fact it was soon my birthday she was far too busy complaining about anything and everything during the three hour visits we made over the six days we stayed up there. She is unable to get out of bed by herself and requires two care staff at all times to support her getting up from the bed as she is still quite wobbly and weak.

There was occasionally a glimmer of hope when she seemed quite cheerful during our first two visits – more determined to get mobile again and cooperated with the staff and physios for a couple of days. They had managed to get her out of bed and walking with the zimmer frame out to the corridor with them supporting her. They are also getting her up and sitting in a chair for her meals which is progress. They are doing everything they can to get her mobile and independant enough to go home, but as we left on Tuesday evening she had been back in bed for 2 full days refusing to get out and sit in the chair that she claims gives her headache. She told my sister she will only get out of bed when they take her back to her flat. It seems progress is one step forward and three backwards.

One minute she is too hot and then too cold, the pillows are never positioned correctly and everyone is against her and she continues to shout at the carers. One day they said she had buzzed for them 40 times in about 15 minutes and they had to be quite stern with her. We are all at our wits end, including the staff who are baffled by her behaviour and they deal with quite demanding dementia patients on a daily basis.

I am finding it a struggle to keep my patience with her – she is 97 after all and must be quite concerned for her future but the visiting is draining when she complains for most of the 3 hours and then again when I phone her each evening and I cannot make any of it alright for her.

I wish I could.

Our visits are wearing us down but I cannot see that she will make it back to her home, yet if she remains in a care home permanently it will be miserable for all of us and trying to keep up the visiting everyday is not really an option long term.

Oh well not much I can do but take it a day at a time – it is the unpredictability that starts to become stressful and no end in sight.

If you have made it this far it was good of you all to listen to my woes. I am not normally a person given to depression but I do feel rather miserable and run down at the moment – it helps to write about it and I am sure there will be many of you going through similar troubles in your life. I hope in comparison that you enjoyed the photos of our day out to Derbyshire as much as we enjoyed the trip out.

Thank you for all the kind comments on my last post, it means so much to share news good and bad.

Further update – Baby Chocolate is doing very well tonight after the operation and hopefully will continue to do so and be home soon.

Bye for now – hopefully some kind of normal life will resume and I will post again soon.

Take care everyone xx

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dear diary ~ the ups and downs of life

Just thought I would drop by and say hi….it has been awhile I know but there are reasons for that which I will explain as we go along. Due to time constraints this is a post that has been written on different days, in different places over the last month or so and I hope today I will press that publish button!

The first instalment written in Scotland in the middle of June as we escaped for a few days break.

What a glorious summer, though a little more rain would not go amiss. Most years I wait eagerly for May and June to come along and then they are quite over before I feel they have even begun.

I am sitting here in a shady part of the garden in Scotland relaxing as I write this post with a glass of cool ginger beer watching the sand martins busily darting here and there, the sea is a deep azure colour with gentle surface ripples rather than waves and it feels like paradise could not be much better than this.

There is a down side to all this perfection of course and a reason I have not been posting for over a month – life here has taken a bit of a down turn –  though in and amongst, as in most cases, there have been moments of sheer joy.

So perhaps the good news first….

….starting with the birth of our new grandson on the 21st May and the celebration of DH’s 70th birthday on the 25th.

May birthdays, I always think, are special – midway between spring and summer with prolonged warm days, longer lighter nights and gardens that are in full bloom. What could be more wonderful and uplifting?

It has been a long process deciding on a name for the new baby and for the purpose of my blog I will be referring to him by the preferred name of Master Freddie, his older brother, as ‘baby Chocolate’ (and before you ask I have no idea where that came from but it goes well with our second granddaughter’s pet name Sweetie chosen by her big sister Little L).  Both mum and baby are doing well and managing the challenges that come up daily when you have a pre-schooler to look after at the same time.

To mark DH’s birthday we spent the day at York Garden in Adel on the outskirts of Leeds.

With the birth of the baby originally scheduled for the 24th I had not been able to book a weekend away or organise a large party for him with friends so a day out to a place of his choice seemed the next best thing. As a birthday treat we decided we would eat lunch at their cafe rather than packing up a picnic as we would normally do these days.

However, like all good plans things often don’t work out.  We arrived at the garden at midday, paid our entrance fee and just as we approached the cafe door a lady barred our way and said ‘sorry the cafe had to close for the day due to unforeseen circumstances (technical issues) beyond their control’. So back to reception to ask where we might get something to eat and would they let us back in without paying again. Following their directions we drove up the road to Golden Acre Park where we were told we would find the council run cafe. It was basic and not quite what I had in mind for a special birthday treat but it did the trick and after a plate of sandwiches and a drink of tea we went back again to the gardens and spent a lovely afternoon wandering around taking lots of pictures and gathering plenty of ideas to try in my own.

A day or two later on the following Bank Holiday weekend our younger daughter came to stay with Little L and Sweetie and we prepared a simple tea party to celebrate DH’s birthday and the birth of the new baby with the family. 

The grandchildren helped me prepare the party during Saturday for Sunday. They decided on a Spaceman theme for grandad! They had great fun colouring in some new place cards and party food labels using some space themed templates I printed from the internet and whilst they were occupied I set to and made some cheesey leek ramekins ready to bake later in the oven.

Everyone lent a hand in preparing a simple buffet of sandwiches and salads to go with the ramekins, and for afters nothing beats strawberries and fresh cream with jelly for the little ones.

And no birthday would be complete without a cake – a lovely summery fresh cream and strawberry sponge made and decorated by the children specially for their grandad.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

And that was were the fun ended and the next few weeks of total chaos began.

I am now completing this post while staying in my mum’s flat near Yarm in North Yorkshire. She is not here at present as she unfortunately fell on her back in her kitchen the day before all our celebrations but we were told by the doctor and district nurses that she was OK – it later transpired that she wasn’t and is presently in a care home after a two week hospital stay. Hopefully, the care home is not for good, but as yet we don’t know.

It is hard for me to write this as I feel very let down by the whole NHS system – it is not just broken it is in a complete mess and so frustrating to get any honest information from anyone. This is nothing to do with the nursing staff – some of whom have been marvellous (and one we will be nominating for an award) although there have been a few along the way where delivering care to the patient is not foremost in their duties.

Sitting for hours with mum on the ward it was hard not to overhear the discussions by the staff over their patients. The lady in the next bed to mum was actually diabetic – the nursing staff did not realise until she was being prepared for discharge. She had been in there 5 days and in all that time her levels had not been taken. She had respiritory problems and was permanently on oxygen but the hospital staff then found they had been giving her double what she should have! My mum was in for almost 2 weeks and came out with a pressure sore but this was not documented on the hospital discharge letter, (but noticed by the care home staff on arrival at the home), and she had not been transferred to a pressure mattress to alleviate it. On the first night of admittance to the emergency assesment ward at about 11pm after being in A&E since 4pm the porter had to make the bed for her, there was no pillow and I had to use my folded coat until he managed to find a blanket as a temporary substitute – no nurse came to introduce herself and no one asked if she had been given a drink or any food and we had to leave her like that. In the morning when we went back a pillow had been found (just the one as they are apparently short on pillows) and at meal times there were not enough forks so the patients had to use their pudding spoons. I will not even comment on this!!

In all, over 5 days after the fall my mum had six attendances at home from paramedics and health professionals responding to my 111 calls and the telephone assessments and all of them attending her had differing opinions. She was taken to A&E twice – released the first time and hospitalised on the second. The initial x-ray showed no break and her hip fracture was only picked up on a scan on the second admittance to hospital (the pain she was in being totally disregarded). In fact the very first call I made to 111 prompted a home visit from a ‘medical professional’ and after his examination and assessment diagnosed a hip fracture but this was never taken seriously by the variety of medics, doctors and therapist who saw her after this.

She is, as many readers will know, 97 – she is in pain, she is confused
(though doesn’t have dementia) and she has no idea what is happening or going
to happen and to be fair neither do we. There are so many people involved –
district nurses, care workers, community therapists, social workers and so much
jargon. She has had endless assesments over and over and for what we have no
idea either. And at the end of it all everything comes down to funding – or
lack of it….but part of the problem is that they waste so much money.

On top of all this my mum is not an easy person and is convinced that she
must lie completely still in bed for her hip to mend but the reality is she
needs to keep moving and do exercises to keep her muscle strength but she won’t
engage with the physiotherapists and keeps sending them away saying she is in
too much pain, too tired, too hot, too cold …..

The care staff are not allowed to get her up and out of bed as this is only
done by the physios but so far they have only managed to get her sat on the
edge of the bed….once! Her 4 week NHS funding for this assessment/ rehab bed
ends next week, the physio involvement will diminish considerably if she
doesn’t co-operate and it is looking like she will be permanently in a care
home and bed ridden for the rest of her life. To say I am frustrated is a bit
of an understatement and I am now at a loss as to how I can motivate my mum to
help herself.

All I can say is never be ill and end up in hospital!

10.07.23 – Further update

It has been a long 6 weeks now and I am totally exhausted spending a few days in North Yorkshire then a few days at home and grabbing bits of time to help my daughter out with the new baby by having Freddie for the day. Last Tuesday Mum was assessed again by the social worker as needing a further short term placement at the care home – for which she will now pay privately as NHS funding stopped after 4 weeks. Her room is well over £1000 a week and we still have to pay the service charge on her flat as well as a retainer for her home carers until she can go home or goes into permanent care. Before the new government rules applied (where long term patients in hospital are now transferred into care homes) her hospital stay would have been covered under the NHS.

We have had a small break through and at last they have got her moving just a little and she managed to sit in a chair for a short time this week but is not allowed in a wheelchair yet. She has had a urine infection this last week which has caused paranoia and delerium (which is not a nice condition for patient or relatives), mum was ringing me constantly on the phone from 8pm to after midnight because she couldn’t find her buzzer to alert the staff. It was just by her hand but with her confusion could not recognise it. At least that is under control now but she has been told she rings for the staff far too much and is very needy (thats my mum!).

We are at home for a few days now catching up with household things here but we did have a day out to ourselves last Saturday and went down into Derbyshire to the Open Gardens in the village of Eyam. A very interesting place and hopefully if time allows I will share a few photos in my next post.

Thank you to those readers who have been concerned about the long gap and have contacted me and welcome to my new readers who have signed up during my absence and I apologise for the rant and negativity that you will have found in this post – normal
service will resume soon I hope.

Sorry about the wierd spacing near the end of the post something happened when I tried to save it and I don’t have the energy at the moment to alter it!

And to all the bloggers I usually connect with and have not, as yet, caught
up with I hope you are all well and will be hearing from me soon. x

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dear diary ~ a productive week at last

The weather is just how I like it ….for gardening, dry and sunny but not too hot and if I could order a little rain for late evening or overnight to avoid having to water then all the better. In fact it did rain overnight on Thursday and nicely refreshed the garden.

By last Wednesday, we had already stocked the pantry with fresh fruit and veg and the freezer with more home baked quiches so there was little food shopping we needed to do but we did have a few errands to attend to out of town. So mid morning, when there was still no sign of the ‘new arrival’ coming, we decided to pack a flask and sandwiches as we knew we would be out for about 4 hours and wanted to be on our way home before the school rush at coming out time. We began by going up nearly to Emley Moor (where the famous TV mast is) to the garden centre which is now Dobbies. I had a £5.50 voucher and knew what I might buy with it. We also took up a pile of empty compost bags and a few plastic plant pots for their recycling bins. It was good to have another job off the list and gain more space in the shed. The voucher part paid for a little hand rake – the small one that Kent and Stowe do that helps you manoeuvre between the plants in a border.

I was astounded to find a display of lupins all at £25 per pot….really…..they were established and in flower and quite beautiful but they are just a perennial and easy to grow from seed. I used to grow a lot but for some reason they attract the green and black fly and get eaten to the ground in the hot summers so I gave up on them.

Although Dobbies have a cafe it can be noisy and expensive and we need to save money where we can so we lunched in their carpark with our picnic where, if you park in the right place, you have the same wonderful view way across the valley looking towards Upper and Lower Cumberworth as in the cafe.

Our next port of call was near to town at B&Q. I dislike going here – so many products that are potential future waste and landfill. We needed a piece of wood. We often need a piece of wood even though we have many odd pieces in the garage….guess what …..it is never the right size/ weight /shape or kind for the project of the moment. DH is going to put up some more tool hooks in the shed for me to hang the metal cloche hoops and for this he first need to put a strip of wood in place to screw the hooks to. That will be one of his jobs today.

We found said piece of wood in correct size, weight and shape and luckily it fit inside the car (as DH had not packed his saw just in case) then moved on to one of the local hospice charity shops to deposit the four bags of daughters clothes from her recent house clear out. She had some beautiful items but sadly only two of them fit me (and they are now in my wardrobe for summer) as she was size 8-10 until her recent pregnancies.

We then called in at another garden centre where we get our bags of compost. I noticed that what was previously offered at 3 for £xxx are now only 2 for £xxx no doubt due to all this inflation. We bought our two bags and a new hand trowel so we don’t squabble over the only one we have and finally made our way home.

Thursday we spent in the garden – there is always plenty to do and we concentrated on pruning back the berberis in the front border….quite dramatically – it looks a shadow of its former self but will recover and be a better shape. Plenty of snacks were needed and I have recently had a bit of a craving for these toasted teacakes spread with melting butter (whilst we can still just about afford butter!).

On Friday we had Master Freddie for the day again to relieve a very heavily pregnant mum. So all I managed was a few little jobs around the house. Once he had gone home at 6 o’clock I dashed around the house with a duster and the vac whilst DH made a pasta bake for our tea. We then collapsed in front of the TV and watched Astrid: Murders in Paris (the last in this series) and went to bed at 10pm.

A number of small improvements were made over the week

  • bought car seat for grandchildren to use
  • washed a pile of plantpots and trays for reuse
  • got rid of the pile of logs and old compost bags which freed up some space
  • with the help of DH I completed the huge ironing pile and put everything away
  • bought the piece of wood to put up more hooks which will create more floor space and better circulation area in the shed
  • took the bags of charity clothes creating more space in our spare room
  • scanned on some waiting paperwork to file on computer and shredded papers

and I was quite satisfied with our productivity – each little task has gained us valuable space in the house or shed or, like the car seat, will be such a help when the grandchildren come giving us more flexibility.

Update: Since preparing this post I am now able to announce the birth on Sunday 21st May of another grandson – a little brother for Master Freddie and as yet baby no-name! I am relieved both mum and baby are doing well – Freddie is now fast asleep (I hope) in our spare bed and DH and I hope to see our new little cherub very soon. It has been an even bigger productive week than I thought!

Have a good week everyone.x