dear diary ~ mellow autumn, slow and easy…

I am gradually easing myself into this new season – a time to slow down and reflect.

For me it is a new season in my life too, no escaping anymore up to our little cottage in Scotland and spending hours working in the garden, but rejuvinating at the same time. It is just a year since we said goodbye and I am just starting to get a hold on my new normal, implementing a few changes here and there.

You might think as I did that we would have more time on our hands to do other things, but sadly…. no, this hasn’t turned out to be the case. With both daughters moving house one after the other we have been providing help with unpacking, sorting, decorating, gardening and childcare and my dear old mum has certainly entered a new chapter in her life.

Her short term memory is increasingly short term and living with the constant phone calls she makes to me through the day asking me the same question over and over ‘Do I know when the carers are coming in’ is frustrating but I need to keep patient and remember how frightening this condition is for her and how important routine and stability are to manage this condition. I know it will only get worse so I have to get better at handling the situation for my own sanity.

The carers are finding it hard to cope with her too so I know it is not just me feeling frustrated. Being almost 100 and still able to reside in your own home is such an achievement but also such a challenge. My family all agree that going inton a care home might not be that far away but at present she has almost 4 hours of undivided attention from the carers during the day – there is no way she will get that in a care home. During her brief spell in one 2 years ago she was lucky to have 5 minutes attendance from the overworked carers looking after her and she went downhill through lack of contact. I know from comments I receive that I am not alone in this situation and it helps to know that, it really does.

As any change can be difficult I am going slowly with the season and trying a bit of self care, carving out some time to do something just for me each week and alongside this I have a new determination to resolve some of the ongoing projects that are in limbo and constantly on my mind as no matter which way I turn I see unfinished jobs all around me.

I decided to sort my rather long project list into something more manageable, breaking down the more lengthy and involved projects into attainable tasks. I have now grouped these into short lists of three and I aim to complete the three over a week – Kanban style.

This week my 3 projects are:

• Book a fully refundable hotel room for Christmas at the Premier Inn close to mum’s apartment.
• Return a roller blind to John Lewis and buy a wider one, also buy a second pillowslip and a tester pot of the Little Greene paint.
• Finally sew a casing on the edge of the greenhouse shading net so I can get it off the mending pile and pack it away ready for next year. (This task should have been done at the start of summer, but like most of my tasks got deferred).

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At the same time I am gearing up a notch to prepare myself for the next big event looming on the horizon ocassionally flicking through pages of magazines finding inspiration for making a few Christmas crafts and hoping at the same time that I will find the time to do them. I have found from experience that starting early is key to avoiding the almost unavoidable pressure that can be generated these days – gone are the days when Christmas could be organised the week or two before; I have learnt that even the simplest of Christmasses require a lot of planning to make them seem…..well simple.

You can’t help but notice that the Christmas magazines are plentiful and already on display in every supermarket and one or two have leapt into my shopping trolley lately, but they are a treat (call it part of my self care) as I decided at the beginning of the year not to renew the Country Living magazine I subscribed to. The décor featured currently is not really to my taste or the style of house we live in and the recipes, although the photography is really lovely and makes the food very tempting, they are often quite complicated or require some unusual ingredients or are decidedly not very vegetarian so I was getting very few ideas from them.

Instead, I switched to buying the seasonal issues of Country Living – Spring, Summer, Autumn and Christmas as quite often the features in these are pulled from past issues. I do tend to keep these seasonal issues to refer to each year and actually find them more inspiring than their monthly magazines – although I did sign up for the offer of 5 issues for £5 in August as £1 an issue is too good to miss and it will include the December issue.

A lovely little magazine for easy recipes and ideas for using up leftovers is the free Tesco magazine which my daughter passes on to me. Ironically, all these magazines are piling up now waiting to be read.

To add to my growing little stash two welcome packages arrived this week – I ordered the final issue of 91 magazine a while ago; I do admire these people who manage to self publish their own individual magazines and sadly, although I didn’t buy many copies, I will miss this one.

The other package was the 6 monthly little pamphlet produced by Persephone books that keeps you updated with details of any new titles and excerpts from some of their books in print, it came with the little red Victory postcard too, presumably a wartime slogan.

I have a passion for the Persephone books – I am working my way through many of them and there is something very appealing about their plain smooth grey covers opening up to those glorious prints hidden away inside.

I am patiently waiting for Christmas now when I know DH will ‘surprise’ me with a couple of new Persephone books to read…… meanwhile, I content myself with rereading one or two old favourites from my bookshelves. 

The one by my bedside that I currently fall asleep with after a chapter or two is The Fortnight in September by R C Sherriff,  a day by day account of a family’s two week holiday repeated every year in Bognor – a very typical British seaside holiday and very reminiscent of our own family holiday in Scarborough.  It has a nice leisurely pace very conducive for sleep and a glimpse into the ordinariness of their everyday lives.

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I had a bit of an unintentional spending session last Saturday – I say session, rather than spree, as I spent more than I thought but not more than was affordable.  After going to Mount Grace Priory we called in nearby Northallerton and I took Little L and Sweetie to The Works to treat them to one or two craft items to keep them busy in half term.

I chose the pack of spooky balloons to decorate along with the make your own pumpkin paper lantern and then let the girls have a free choice of something they would like to do – and what a mistake that was…I should have known better – whilst the display had some lovely laser cut wooden lanterns to paint or strings of bunting to colour….what did they choose….the most gruesome and hideous plaster figurines to paint that came at a gruesome price!

Let that be a lesson to myself not to take them with me to buy Halloween crafts.

I consoled myself with a few cute little Christmas bits that I have no doubt I or the children will create something Christmassy with.

Taking a short cut through the Yorkshire Trading Company I noticed this twiggy wreath at a very reasonable price. All I need now is the time to develop all the ideas I have floating around in my head.

But it won’t be today as DH and I will be out and about taking garden rubbish from my daughter’s garden to the tip and then another go at that bathroom.

Take care everyone, back soon xx