Tag: Everyday life

Posted on

dear diary ~ end of an era

A day of drizzle yesterday, but that was fine for me after all the hot, humid weather. We looked after Master Freddie for the last time on a weekday as he starts school today and it is such a painful parting knowing that it will only be during the school holidays and weekends that we will be able to look after him and take him out. Sweetie who is a similar age started school last week so with 3 of the 4 grandchildren now in school it is the end of an era for us. Of course we have baby Chocolate and no doubt we will be pushing the pram round the streets to the park as we did only 4 years ago with Freddie and Sweetie.

All through the hot weather I have only been doing jobs that have required minimal exertion – I am not sure if contacting the social worker meets this threshold as I know my blood pressure will rise during the conversation and often I am on the verge of saying something quite rude as the frustration with them increases. I only want what is best for mum and to keep her safe. On the other hand they pretend that this is also their aim but in the end it is the financial implications to the council that will actually determine this.

If you happen to require a lot of medical attention as a baby in intensive care it is most likely provided despite the cost…but fast forward to the last years of your life when you are equally frail and vulnerable and the care is not quite so forthcoming. This not to say that the carers themselves do not care – they do and are heroes – elderly people are not quite so cute and cuddly as a baby and the whole set up in care homes and for care in the home is grossly under resourced and underfunded. I only hope the powers that be that set the rules and guidelines experience the difficulties my mum is going through.

It was my late dad’s birthday yesterday (sadly, he shares the date with the 7/11 disaster), he would have been 101 had he lived. He was such a caring, gentle man and I still miss him everyday seventeen years on.

This is him with mum on their wedding day in 1946

The wedding took place at Wadsley Parish Church in Sheffield.

and my wedding day in 1976

and their Golden Wedding anniversary in 1996.

Sadly he died a few months before his Diamond Wedding anniversary in 2006.

Mum, bless her, never even mentioned him – she is far too involved with her own troubles at the moment to even remember. I thought it best not to mention it so she didn’t get even more upset. She would normally have remebered her wedding anniversary day too back in August but again the date never registered with her.

Before I went away I managed to get all our finances up to date but already after the space of a week the pile is growing. I have various bill payments to set up online and contact the Skipton yet again about my ISA account which should have been transferred back in March to a higher paying interest account and it was overlooked at a great loss of interest to me. I did get to change my mobile provider from Vodaphone to Lebara (who piggy back on Vodaphone). My rolling contract has increased data for a lower monthly payment.

We have absolutely no fresh veg in the house other than a few potatoes and a handful of tomatoes from the garden. I am not looking forward to going shopping this week, in fact we really need to have a spend free month to offset the enormous petrol costs we are incurring going up and down the 90 miles to see mum. Whichever shelf or aisle you look down at the supermarket I think the average price for an item is now hitting £3. We take advantage any offers that come our way but even this is not reducing the weekly spend on food or toiletries. You can scrimp and save here and there but the minute you go out for the day and buy ice creams or a drink out you are looking at handing over that £20 note and not receiving very much change. The ice creams for 6 of us at the National Trust shop came to £16.20. There were no childrens cones just Magnums, Cornetto’s and those little, even more expensive, tubs of award winning ice cream.

Today we have to take the car back to the garage as for some reason during the hot weather the car fails to start until we open the bonnet for 5 minutes and then it is fine until the next time we stop and park the car!

Despite the hot weather Autumn is advancing so I need to begin clearing up in the garden. I did an hour of tidying in the greenhouse on Sunday and I now have a stack of seed trays and small plant pots to wash out and dry ready for next year. I did quite a bit of clearing in the shaded part of the garden too – cutting down perennial flowers that are definitely over now. Some of them have regenerated like the catmint that I cut back before our holidays but the majority are well and truly over. The string of solar lights didn’t even come on last night because it was mainly overcast all day so I will probably take them down, clean them up and pack away for next year too. I might leave the compost turning to DH after I empty the side that has the well rotted compost, this warm weather has created such a wonderful rich, dark, crumbly compost which I am adding to the borders as I weed them.

For anyone who is having difficulty leaving a comment and I know there are a few readers who are – to find the comment box you need to click on the post title and it takes you through to the comment page. You do not have to leave your name and email but I believe it is better if you do.

I am having a lot of trouble commenting on Blogger blogs as I usually sign in with Google and I often have to click on the Google option a few times before it brings up my name otherwise it stays as anonymous.

Back soon, take care x

Posted on

dear diary ~ back and forth

Gosh, just when you think life can’t get any busier….it does and hotter too.

On Bank Holiday Monday we took Little L and Sweetie out to Bradfield in Derbyshire. It is a beautiful Peak village and a conservation area. There is a place down by the river to picnic and paddle – our family have always gone there, my mum as a little girl, me and my siblings, our two daughters and now the grandchildren. We had a lovely day splashing about in the water and collected so many interesting things for granny’s nature table.

We spent the rest of the week, after they had gone back home cleaning and packing for the upcoming trip to North Yorkshire last week to stay with my younger daughter to lend a hand with Little L and Sweetie on the school run.

Sweetie started school last Tuesday but for some reason her school have a policy of only taking new reception children for half days…and alternating mornings and afternoons for the first week. This is not only very difficult to arrange for working and single mums but confuses the children no end. Sweetie has no concept that she will be spending a whole day at school next week and having school dinner there. She thinks granny will be providing lunch and taking and fetching her back at all odd times! Whilst I waited at the school gates it was obvious that many working mum’s couldn’t be there for their children on their first day and had to depend on a mix of grandparents, friends and even neighbours to help out and get their little ones to and from school at the appropriate times.

Master Freddie on the other hand, at a different school, starts on whole days straight away but does not start until this coming Tuesday (one week after the main school returned from the summer) – again very difficult for working mums, especially those like my daughter who work within the school system so cannot take time off. The gradual introduction to school is not practised everywhere and the irony is that most of these kids have been spending far longer hours in nursery than they will at school – Master Freddie will be at school 4 hours less and will feel it is a very short day indeed.

Whilst up in North Yorkshire we visited mum on a couple of occasions and she was in tears most of the time. The social worker who has assessed her as having ‘capacity’ and told her she could go home then went on holiday without arranging any care package or making a date for her leaving. So in the meantime mum has been very anxious and one day wants to go home but the next day wants to stay in the care home as she doesn’t think she will cope at home. She has been assessed as needing four care visits during the day but no overnight care so that will take some getting used to as presently in the care home mum can press the buzzer for help if she needs assistance during the night.

Mum is presently self funding as she exceeds the threshold where the local council have to step in and foot the bill so of course the social worker is in no rush to get mum home as it is mum’s money paying the care home bills. Whilst on the short term placement we have been paying in arrears and only oblidged to give one weeks notice. Now the social worker has assessed her as being able to go home this arrangement seems to have terminated and the care home have billed us for the whole of September in advance and we have to give 4 weeks notice. So it might be the end of October before mum can go home as the social worker has not arranged a care package and been able to supply us with a date for leaving so that we can give notice. This will cost mum around £9,000. Of course there is no urgency for the social worker to get this mess sorted as the council are not paying!

I have also been told by social services that if mum did choose to stay in the care home and then her savings fall below the threshold the council would not pick up the bill because she has not been assessed as needing 24 hour care. I rather think she has not been assessed as requiring 24 hour care because they cannot provide her with 24 hour care when she goes home. So it appears that mum will have to go home even if she would rather stay. If ever you have the misfortune to be caught up in the care system you will find it is all about the financial implications to the council and not about the best care of the elderly and vulnerable.

I have no doubt I will be on the phone for most of the week trying to pin down the social worker as she is back from her hols.

It is Heritage week this week and I have made a note of some of the interesting places we might visit. Yesterday we went to Beningbrough Hall (a national Trust property to the north of York) on our way home. My daughter, Little L and Sweetie came with us as it was free entry under the Heritage scheme. We had a little picnic in the shade and then explored the grounds and house. They have a rather unusual tower in the grounds beside the lovely play area for the children in the woods, but I was disappointed that the only water on offer at the cafe was £2.50 a bottle!

I do have plans for the coming 2 weeks where time allows, and hopefully it will not be as exhausting as last week. After all the unpacking, washing and ironing the garden will have priority – weather permitting, and I would like to put another maintenance coat of paint on the shed and greenhouse before the winter. We desperatley need a new garage door too and have arranged for a local company to come and quote.

As far as the house is concerned I would like to give the office / craft room a good clean and I do need to make a few more cards mainly to try and use up some of the card blanks that I bought.

I hope you all have a good week and enjoy the weather – it is a touch too hot for me and gardening might have to be kept to a minimum.

Thank you for all the comments on my last post and thank you Rachel for getting in touch and your concern – I will reply to your email shortly. There is no denying that having blog friends in tough times does help. xx

Posted on

dear diary ~ the ups and downs of life

Just thought I would drop by and say hi….it has been awhile I know but there are reasons for that which I will explain as we go along. Due to time constraints this is a post that has been written on different days, in different places over the last month or so and I hope today I will press that publish button!

The first instalment written in Scotland in the middle of June as we escaped for a few days break.

What a glorious summer, though a little more rain would not go amiss. Most years I wait eagerly for May and June to come along and then they are quite over before I feel they have even begun.

I am sitting here in a shady part of the garden in Scotland relaxing as I write this post with a glass of cool ginger beer watching the sand martins busily darting here and there, the sea is a deep azure colour with gentle surface ripples rather than waves and it feels like paradise could not be much better than this.

There is a down side to all this perfection of course and a reason I have not been posting for over a month – life here has taken a bit of a down turn –  though in and amongst, as in most cases, there have been moments of sheer joy.

So perhaps the good news first….

….starting with the birth of our new grandson on the 21st May and the celebration of DH’s 70th birthday on the 25th.

May birthdays, I always think, are special – midway between spring and summer with prolonged warm days, longer lighter nights and gardens that are in full bloom. What could be more wonderful and uplifting?

It has been a long process deciding on a name for the new baby and for the purpose of my blog I will be referring to him by the preferred name of Master Freddie, his older brother, as ‘baby Chocolate’ (and before you ask I have no idea where that came from but it goes well with our second granddaughter’s pet name Sweetie chosen by her big sister Little L).  Both mum and baby are doing well and managing the challenges that come up daily when you have a pre-schooler to look after at the same time.

To mark DH’s birthday we spent the day at York Garden in Adel on the outskirts of Leeds.

With the birth of the baby originally scheduled for the 24th I had not been able to book a weekend away or organise a large party for him with friends so a day out to a place of his choice seemed the next best thing. As a birthday treat we decided we would eat lunch at their cafe rather than packing up a picnic as we would normally do these days.

However, like all good plans things often don’t work out.  We arrived at the garden at midday, paid our entrance fee and just as we approached the cafe door a lady barred our way and said ‘sorry the cafe had to close for the day due to unforeseen circumstances (technical issues) beyond their control’. So back to reception to ask where we might get something to eat and would they let us back in without paying again. Following their directions we drove up the road to Golden Acre Park where we were told we would find the council run cafe. It was basic and not quite what I had in mind for a special birthday treat but it did the trick and after a plate of sandwiches and a drink of tea we went back again to the gardens and spent a lovely afternoon wandering around taking lots of pictures and gathering plenty of ideas to try in my own.

A day or two later on the following Bank Holiday weekend our younger daughter came to stay with Little L and Sweetie and we prepared a simple tea party to celebrate DH’s birthday and the birth of the new baby with the family. 

The grandchildren helped me prepare the party during Saturday for Sunday. They decided on a Spaceman theme for grandad! They had great fun colouring in some new place cards and party food labels using some space themed templates I printed from the internet and whilst they were occupied I set to and made some cheesey leek ramekins ready to bake later in the oven.

Everyone lent a hand in preparing a simple buffet of sandwiches and salads to go with the ramekins, and for afters nothing beats strawberries and fresh cream with jelly for the little ones.

And no birthday would be complete without a cake – a lovely summery fresh cream and strawberry sponge made and decorated by the children specially for their grandad.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

And that was were the fun ended and the next few weeks of total chaos began.

I am now completing this post while staying in my mum’s flat near Yarm in North Yorkshire. She is not here at present as she unfortunately fell on her back in her kitchen the day before all our celebrations but we were told by the doctor and district nurses that she was OK – it later transpired that she wasn’t and is presently in a care home after a two week hospital stay. Hopefully, the care home is not for good, but as yet we don’t know.

It is hard for me to write this as I feel very let down by the whole NHS system – it is not just broken it is in a complete mess and so frustrating to get any honest information from anyone. This is nothing to do with the nursing staff – some of whom have been marvellous (and one we will be nominating for an award) although there have been a few along the way where delivering care to the patient is not foremost in their duties.

Sitting for hours with mum on the ward it was hard not to overhear the discussions by the staff over their patients. The lady in the next bed to mum was actually diabetic – the nursing staff did not realise until she was being prepared for discharge. She had been in there 5 days and in all that time her levels had not been taken. She had respiritory problems and was permanently on oxygen but the hospital staff then found they had been giving her double what she should have! My mum was in for almost 2 weeks and came out with a pressure sore but this was not documented on the hospital discharge letter, (but noticed by the care home staff on arrival at the home), and she had not been transferred to a pressure mattress to alleviate it. On the first night of admittance to the emergency assesment ward at about 11pm after being in A&E since 4pm the porter had to make the bed for her, there was no pillow and I had to use my folded coat until he managed to find a blanket as a temporary substitute – no nurse came to introduce herself and no one asked if she had been given a drink or any food and we had to leave her like that. In the morning when we went back a pillow had been found (just the one as they are apparently short on pillows) and at meal times there were not enough forks so the patients had to use their pudding spoons. I will not even comment on this!!

In all, over 5 days after the fall my mum had six attendances at home from paramedics and health professionals responding to my 111 calls and the telephone assessments and all of them attending her had differing opinions. She was taken to A&E twice – released the first time and hospitalised on the second. The initial x-ray showed no break and her hip fracture was only picked up on a scan on the second admittance to hospital (the pain she was in being totally disregarded). In fact the very first call I made to 111 prompted a home visit from a ‘medical professional’ and after his examination and assessment diagnosed a hip fracture but this was never taken seriously by the variety of medics, doctors and therapist who saw her after this.

She is, as many readers will know, 97 – she is in pain, she is confused
(though doesn’t have dementia) and she has no idea what is happening or going
to happen and to be fair neither do we. There are so many people involved –
district nurses, care workers, community therapists, social workers and so much
jargon. She has had endless assesments over and over and for what we have no
idea either. And at the end of it all everything comes down to funding – or
lack of it….but part of the problem is that they waste so much money.

On top of all this my mum is not an easy person and is convinced that she
must lie completely still in bed for her hip to mend but the reality is she
needs to keep moving and do exercises to keep her muscle strength but she won’t
engage with the physiotherapists and keeps sending them away saying she is in
too much pain, too tired, too hot, too cold …..

The care staff are not allowed to get her up and out of bed as this is only
done by the physios but so far they have only managed to get her sat on the
edge of the bed….once! Her 4 week NHS funding for this assessment/ rehab bed
ends next week, the physio involvement will diminish considerably if she
doesn’t co-operate and it is looking like she will be permanently in a care
home and bed ridden for the rest of her life. To say I am frustrated is a bit
of an understatement and I am now at a loss as to how I can motivate my mum to
help herself.

All I can say is never be ill and end up in hospital!

10.07.23 – Further update

It has been a long 6 weeks now and I am totally exhausted spending a few days in North Yorkshire then a few days at home and grabbing bits of time to help my daughter out with the new baby by having Freddie for the day. Last Tuesday Mum was assessed again by the social worker as needing a further short term placement at the care home – for which she will now pay privately as NHS funding stopped after 4 weeks. Her room is well over £1000 a week and we still have to pay the service charge on her flat as well as a retainer for her home carers until she can go home or goes into permanent care. Before the new government rules applied (where long term patients in hospital are now transferred into care homes) her hospital stay would have been covered under the NHS.

We have had a small break through and at last they have got her moving just a little and she managed to sit in a chair for a short time this week but is not allowed in a wheelchair yet. She has had a urine infection this last week which has caused paranoia and delerium (which is not a nice condition for patient or relatives), mum was ringing me constantly on the phone from 8pm to after midnight because she couldn’t find her buzzer to alert the staff. It was just by her hand but with her confusion could not recognise it. At least that is under control now but she has been told she rings for the staff far too much and is very needy (thats my mum!).

We are at home for a few days now catching up with household things here but we did have a day out to ourselves last Saturday and went down into Derbyshire to the Open Gardens in the village of Eyam. A very interesting place and hopefully if time allows I will share a few photos in my next post.

Thank you to those readers who have been concerned about the long gap and have contacted me and welcome to my new readers who have signed up during my absence and I apologise for the rant and negativity that you will have found in this post – normal
service will resume soon I hope.

Sorry about the wierd spacing near the end of the post something happened when I tried to save it and I don’t have the energy at the moment to alter it!

And to all the bloggers I usually connect with and have not, as yet, caught
up with I hope you are all well and will be hearing from me soon. x

Posted on

dear diary ~ a productive week at last

The weather is just how I like it ….for gardening, dry and sunny but not too hot and if I could order a little rain for late evening or overnight to avoid having to water then all the better. In fact it did rain overnight on Thursday and nicely refreshed the garden.

By last Wednesday, we had already stocked the pantry with fresh fruit and veg and the freezer with more home baked quiches so there was little food shopping we needed to do but we did have a few errands to attend to out of town. So mid morning, when there was still no sign of the ‘new arrival’ coming, we decided to pack a flask and sandwiches as we knew we would be out for about 4 hours and wanted to be on our way home before the school rush at coming out time. We began by going up nearly to Emley Moor (where the famous TV mast is) to the garden centre which is now Dobbies. I had a £5.50 voucher and knew what I might buy with it. We also took up a pile of empty compost bags and a few plastic plant pots for their recycling bins. It was good to have another job off the list and gain more space in the shed. The voucher part paid for a little hand rake – the small one that Kent and Stowe do that helps you manoeuvre between the plants in a border.

I was astounded to find a display of lupins all at £25 per pot….really…..they were established and in flower and quite beautiful but they are just a perennial and easy to grow from seed. I used to grow a lot but for some reason they attract the green and black fly and get eaten to the ground in the hot summers so I gave up on them.

Although Dobbies have a cafe it can be noisy and expensive and we need to save money where we can so we lunched in their carpark with our picnic where, if you park in the right place, you have the same wonderful view way across the valley looking towards Upper and Lower Cumberworth as in the cafe.

Our next port of call was near to town at B&Q. I dislike going here – so many products that are potential future waste and landfill. We needed a piece of wood. We often need a piece of wood even though we have many odd pieces in the garage….guess what …..it is never the right size/ weight /shape or kind for the project of the moment. DH is going to put up some more tool hooks in the shed for me to hang the metal cloche hoops and for this he first need to put a strip of wood in place to screw the hooks to. That will be one of his jobs today.

We found said piece of wood in correct size, weight and shape and luckily it fit inside the car (as DH had not packed his saw just in case) then moved on to one of the local hospice charity shops to deposit the four bags of daughters clothes from her recent house clear out. She had some beautiful items but sadly only two of them fit me (and they are now in my wardrobe for summer) as she was size 8-10 until her recent pregnancies.

We then called in at another garden centre where we get our bags of compost. I noticed that what was previously offered at 3 for £xxx are now only 2 for £xxx no doubt due to all this inflation. We bought our two bags and a new hand trowel so we don’t squabble over the only one we have and finally made our way home.

Thursday we spent in the garden – there is always plenty to do and we concentrated on pruning back the berberis in the front border….quite dramatically – it looks a shadow of its former self but will recover and be a better shape. Plenty of snacks were needed and I have recently had a bit of a craving for these toasted teacakes spread with melting butter (whilst we can still just about afford butter!).

On Friday we had Master Freddie for the day again to relieve a very heavily pregnant mum. So all I managed was a few little jobs around the house. Once he had gone home at 6 o’clock I dashed around the house with a duster and the vac whilst DH made a pasta bake for our tea. We then collapsed in front of the TV and watched Astrid: Murders in Paris (the last in this series) and went to bed at 10pm.

A number of small improvements were made over the week

  • bought car seat for grandchildren to use
  • washed a pile of plantpots and trays for reuse
  • got rid of the pile of logs and old compost bags which freed up some space
  • with the help of DH I completed the huge ironing pile and put everything away
  • bought the piece of wood to put up more hooks which will create more floor space and better circulation area in the shed
  • took the bags of charity clothes creating more space in our spare room
  • scanned on some waiting paperwork to file on computer and shredded papers

and I was quite satisfied with our productivity – each little task has gained us valuable space in the house or shed or, like the car seat, will be such a help when the grandchildren come giving us more flexibility.

Update: Since preparing this post I am now able to announce the birth on Sunday 21st May of another grandson – a little brother for Master Freddie and as yet baby no-name! I am relieved both mum and baby are doing well – Freddie is now fast asleep (I hope) in our spare bed and DH and I hope to see our new little cherub very soon. It has been an even bigger productive week than I thought!

Have a good week everyone.x