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dear diary :: destination unknown

Well, our road map for the immediate future is laid out before us and we should be ready to go…..but with the destination unknown I am feeling much more cautious than Boris to set off and therefore may not be relaxing the ‘stay at home’ message quite so quickly; in fact I will be still adhereing to Nicola’s message a little longer before I switch to just being alert.

I have never been a political blog and don’t intend to start now – and I do appreciate how difficult it must be to navigate your way through such a minefield as this, but I do feel that I would have handled things a little differently – a much earlier lockdown for one, and the cancellation of the two big mass gatherings that took place even as there was devistating news coming out of Italy and Spain which should have rung alarm bells back then. And now the plight of the care homes – another disaster waiting to happen in an overlooked sector of the population as all efforts were concentrated on the NHS alone.

It is only by the stringent efforts of the management company and residents at my mum’s retirement apartments that they have not, as yet, had any cases in there, but these places could be the next care homes as the carers visiting here have not been able to get hold of PPE and go from person to person unprotected potentially passing the virus around. My mum and all the residents have now been issued with a visor (or visa as she refers to it) by the management company for their protection and I believe the carers have at last managed to get hold of some PPE.

The visors have a different colour band at the top, mum’s is red, her friend has a green one but B is now concerned that she will not have enough matching outfits as green is not her colour! She is also the one that has mistook the message from Boris and has been trying to book a hairdressing appointment as she believes they can now open up.

My mum was also disappointed as she thought she would be able to go to my sister’s house now for tea and we had to say that no she still can’t, not just yet – ‘maybe soon’ I said to which she replied ‘oh yes maybe in a day or two’. It is harder to grasp the new ease down rules as they are more involved than just the stay at home message which was loud and clear (though only for some).

As the general public are now being advised to cover their faces I decided to make some masks for the family including a tiny one for Little L with unicorns for when she has to go with mum to the supermarket. I do feel like I am about to rob a bank wearing mine!

If we choose to we are now able to drive to any beauty spot in England no matter how far the destination – for us that would most likely be the Peak district in Derbyshire, the Yorkshire dales, the Lake district or the coast such as Whitby, or even Roundhay park in Leeds (I could meet up with Sybil) – but for two reasons we won’t be. The main one is out of respect for the people who live in these places and the second on a much more practical level, although we can pack up and take our own food, there will be very few public toilets open and without the facilities we might normally use in cafes and pubs I do not see how anyone could go very far anyway. As the weather warms up again and with the spring bank holiday approaching is it not highly likely that people are going to flock to all these beauty spots as a means of escape. I thought that travelling around spread it around, after all was that not how Covid 19 arrived in this country in the first place?

So DH and I will stay in our own little bubble here for a while longer – we are pretty much self contained and a few more weeks are not going to make a huge difference to us in the scheme of things and if it was to help save even one other person’s life it would be well worth it. We have resigned ourselves to the fact that we will not be able to go to the cottage (caravan) any time soon, but we always thought that would be the case – in fact the tiny villages around the area have got ‘village closed go home’ signs up across the entrance; so no point in fretting – what will be will be.

There are only two adjustments we may make – one is to take some bags of garden prunings to our local tip when the coast is clear and suss out the local garden centre when the immediate rush has passed as we desparately need compost and manure; however, if either places are found to be teeming with people we would not venture in – nothing is that important.

Since Sunday the weather has turned so cold it has felt like a return to winter and I have been warmly wrapping both myself up and the plants against the chill.

The fat filled coconut I hung out on Sunday afternoon has been devoured quickly by the birds and almost gone.

I like to think of myself as a hardy all weather gardener but with this arctic climate descending upon us my fingers have, at times, felt like they have suffered from frost bite after only the first few minutes out there – I would not have been surprised to find ice in my little blue pond. The main jobs to tackle in the garden was a quick check round and watering the bulbs with tomato feed – most of them are over now although the tulips are holding on for dear life and the alliums, like the peonies, are deciding if the temperature is suitable for making an appearance.

Many of the vegetable and salad plants are still under cloches whilst the bedding plants are packed into the mini greenhouse waiting anxiously for the moment I can put them into planters and borders without the fear of frosts.

In the borders the forget-me-nots are fading fast as the aquilegia, in their many shades of pinks and purples, have become the star of the show – springing up in all corners of the garden and gracefully dancing around in the wind… whilst I hold my breath in case they topple over and snap – there are far too many of them to stake them all.


And just in time the tangerine geums have emerged like a little beacon poking their heads out from amongst the sea of sky blue.

Waiting in the wings of the mini greenhouse the second round of seeds I set of pansies and nasturtiums, zinnias and cosmos are growing at quite a pace now, despite the weather, but I will pass on pricking them out at the moment – it is too much of a chore to stand in the cold and so will wait for the warmer weather to return at the weekend.

With little to do in the garden I have spent more of my time indoors where there has been far too much listening to the news and drinking tea; so yesterday I busied myself in the work room – paying bills, checking statements and finally doing a bit of sewing.

I also opened up my flower press to discover this spray of dicentra (bleeding heart) that I had put in there only last week. The colour of course is quite muted compared to the vivid pink when they are fresh, but still very pretty. I just need to think of some way of using them.

Whilst it was still warm last week we had many of our meals based around salad. On Saturday I made some little pea, mint and goats cheese fritters to go with it and yesterday we had leek and mushroom pasties in a flaky pastry (the pastry bought of course – the ready roll is so quick to use).

The fritters were easy enough to make – based on a thick pancake batter, I am sure they can be modified very easily to use up most vegetables or a variety of different cheeses. A few minutes in a hot pan and they were golden brown and ready to eat.

By Sunday we had run out of a few fresh foods – it is a quiet day usually in the town centre Sainsbury’s – a smaller branch, but we can usually find all we need and if not select an alternative…..but shopping this Sunday was horrendous – there were few people inside and no queue but little in the way of social distancing and I kept having to move out of the way as people came from nowhere and reached across me to grab something from the shelf. All a little too close for comfort.

And not wanting to linger any longer than I had to in there I just reached out and grabbed the first bunch of flowers near to hand – but aren’t these tulips delightful such a cheery colour and only £2.50.

If the cold weather continues I might carry on with the sewing – I have a few bits and pieces of mending and one or two projects to finish off….then there are more cards to make and the final sleeve of little Freddie’s jumper to knit.

Oh and maybe I will bake a few buns or perhaps some crisp melting moments covered in coconut to go with a hot chocolate. I doubt I will be sitting outside under the parasol anytime soon.

Have a great week however you are interpreting the new rules. xx

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dear diary :: Easter Sunday

Easter Sunday today, but one of course with a difference and one we will always remember for being in ‘lock down’ if nothing else. Today feels quite a sombre one and as I looked out over our cul-de-sac this glorious Easter morning all was just so peaceful and calm, even though so many people are at home nothing out there is stirring.

Easter, like Christmas, is a great fusion of both religious and pagan festivities and as with Christmas in our household we have tended to incorporate a little of everything into our celebrations as well as creating a few traditions of our own.

Over time the Easter bunny, chocolate Easter eggs and now Easter gifts and decorations have been heavily promoted in the shops and it can feel like the message of Easter, like the message of Christmas gets a little lost in all the hype.

The Easter bunny and laying of eggs that are hidden in the garden can be traced back to documentation from 13th Century onwards and for younger children, like the coming of Santa Claus on Christmas Eve, it is an exciting day especially if it involves an Easter egg hunt – but for many children this Easter staying in might seem a little dull.

Like our neighbours two little girls, Little L was ‘super’ excited yesterday when I spoke to her on the phone. Even though the whole world is currently in turmoil children still have the ability to accept things and live in the moment and Easter will be something they can celebrate even in the lock down at home – I hope she will not be too disappointed with the one egg (that luckily her mum had managed to buy a while ago) and a lack of a family gathering with grannies, aunts and cousins. I am sure that in the absence of a chocolate egg hunt my daughter will have thought of something creative in its place. Since school closed they have been busy ‘crafting’ for Easter – colouring in patterned eggs, making cards and icing biscuits. Having the theme of Easter to work with has made it easier for my daughter to occupy this lively 5 year old.

The egg, chocolate or otherwise is an important symbol of new life and quite appropriate at the moment whilst the news reminds us daily of the heavy death toll this virus is causing. So many loved ones lost, such unprecedented times to live through – so the meaning of Easter whether the religious one or the pagan one is there to give us hope.

As the saying goes this is not some dress rehearsal – we are all having to pick our way through this as best we can, trying to abide by the ‘spirit of the rules’ that are there to restrict our movements, keep us safe and prevent further deaths. It can seem like an easy task to fulfil, but in reality it is not; every person’s situation is different and making constant decisions as to whether something is essential and in the spirit or not is both testing and exhausting. I am sure at times we don’t always get it right either and it feels a bit like Brexit all over again with so much judgement and criticism being handed out.

Like our family, other families have their own concerns and risks to minimise; giving help and comfort to others whilst also protecting themselves is a fine balancing act. So I thought I would mention some of the issues we are facing as a family and how we are trying to cope with these whilst staying within the spirit.

Just as NHS workers have been criticised by their watchful neighbours for driving off in the car (to go to work) I have heard of the dustbin men being criticised for handling the bins and the postmen for continuing to deliver the post. I am making sure that I have a thank you message on my dustbin and one by the letter box as I think they are doing a good job – I would not like to see our rubbish build up and receiving letters and cards can be a lifeline to some. My granddaughter has been kept busy writing letters to me and then she looks forward to one in return. My Aunt in a care home with no visitors allowed and my mum are two other family members who do not have the internet and look forward to receiving my letters and cards with updates and pictures of the family.

My daughter in North Yorkshire who has just moved to a new area and knows no-one there is on her own with two young children to look after and entertain because her husband is himself looking after and cooking for key workers that are staying in an empty hotel. Because the risks of going home and spreading the virus to his family would be too great they are living apart but this means our daughter has to take the children with her to get food and nappies etc if they cannot get a delivery. It is a risk she would rather not take but not helped by the awful looks that have come her way in the supermarket now that they are limiting the number of household members allowed in, but she has no option as she can hardly get a babysitter! She was using a little farm shop where she could leave the children in the car outside and dash in – but sadly they decided to close.

We drop off bags on the way to or from the supermarket to our other daughter who lives close by – they have had what seems like colds and been unwell on and off for a few weeks, not knowing if it is the virus or not they have stayed home to protect others and we have helped out with deliveries of food and medicine to their doorstep – the last bag we took included the Easter egg I had decorated – I didn’t take that decision lightly. To onlookers I suppose it may seem like we are visiting.

As many readers will know my mum is 94 and has not been well. She is at that place in her life when she is just on the verge of not being able to look after herself completely and much depends on how well she feels each day. She is waiting to see if anything can be done medically to help her mobility but of course that will not happen at the moment. The virus and lock down have added to our problems. My sister continues to visit 4 times a week and an official carer the remaining 3 days for a teatime slot. She is taking her some food, cooking her meals, washing her bedding, clothes and hair – all the necessities of caring and caring for a vulnerable person is still allowed under the government rules but to the other more able residents it might look like my sister is just dropping in for a chat!

My daughter will reach the grand age of 40 (notice I didn’t say old) this month but the celebration we would have had for family and friends is of course cancelled. It is quite important to me to celebrate the forty wonderful years since she was born and especially because at one time I thought I might not be around to see this moment. (For readers who might not know I was diagnosed with Thyroid cancer that had spread into the lymph nodes, but have survived). So although it might seem a little frivolous in these difficult times, when others are grieving for the loss of their loved ones, I will be trying to gather family members together, courtesy of Zoom, to a virtual surprise party to celebrate her life so far and let her know how special she is.

So as you can see we have situations to resolve the best way we can, nothing is quite so black and white or clear cut but I will carry on using my own judgements to get us all through this safely and let everyone else decide what is best for them and their families. I am sure the very last thing that any of us would want was to think that we had indirectly caused the death of anyone by our actions.

The message Jesus gave us was very simple – ‘Love one another’ and there are so many acts of love out there and we are all trying to do our bit in the best way we can to keep the death toll to a minimum.

I wish you a peaceful day this Easter Sunday. x

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dear diary :: a new beginning

Happy New Year to all my followers and readers.

After a very late night I eventually surfaced around 10am…bleary eyed, so I am quite late changing my blog header…..but here I am to wish you all the best of what this year will bring for each of you.

As always I am excited with the prospect of a brand new year stretching before me – not just an empty page, or an empty chapter but a whole empty book. By the end of 2020 just what will be written on these pages. Who knows….and that is the magic of this time of year, we really don’t know.

I can map out what I am hoping for, what I am striving to achieve, what I am going to work hard at to accomplish, but I cannot predict any of those unexpected twists and turns along the journey, the ones we have least control over.

This year as many readers will know my chosen word (whether you like this idea of choosing a word or not – it works for me) is Flourish. Maybe an odd choice you are thinking, but as one of my readers said it is very apt for me as it is often a term used when caring for plants and as my passion is for gardening then it fits so well.

One of my intentions this year will be to continue with minimising and simplifying. It is not something that happens overnight – it requires a lifestyle change and developing a different mindset. For as much as I love the space I have been creating around my home I can still fall for buying completely unnecessary items….you know the ones that ‘spark joy’ when you come across them when out shopping. John Lewis does it for me every time and TK Max! My joy seems to come from objects rather than clothes these days…and don’t forget the garden centres – I could spend a fortune there even though my borders are really jammed packed full.

As the manufacturers continue to design and market new and tempting merchandise displayed in the shops I will always find it hard to say no. Like eating a healthy diet finding that balance of moderation is hard and one I am constantly working on even though every time I go to a decluttered cupboard I feel a sense of satisfaction and that spark of joy….it is often just not enough to deter me from buying more.

Some areas of my life I have well under control – my bathroom cupboards for instance only hold what I use – you won’t find anything lurking there that is not something I use most days to keep me clean and presentable. Other areas of my home are still a work in progress and the decluttering continues but it is the stuff that still comes into our home that is the problem because that is the stuff that ironically will almost certainly become part of my future decluttering. There is very little that we need (other than a new car perhaps….oh and maybe that new kitchen) but somehow I still manage to find things to bring home!

I haven’t run our year end tally yet to see just what we spent – I can assure you when all added up and displayed in a report it is frightening. Even those odd cups of coffee and snacks we buy when out and about do add up to rather a lot.

It has been a hard year for us trying to cope on the one state pension, our savings have dwindled considerably as prices continue to rise and our family circumstances are such that we have had a lot of travelling up and down to North Yorkshire. I won’t even mention the cost of all those events we laid on or attended!

This is the time of year when I have a good look at where I overspent, then promise to myself to be more careful….and it works, usually….well for the first few months!

I aim to be more green too. I say that knowing full well that I bought a plastic fridge container yesterday…a small blip. In all honesty though when I am shopping I am going to be more mindful – the wooden toys we bought at Christmas for the grandchildren are all lovely and don’t have those awful jangly tunes and songs in American accents coming out of them, (sorry USA readers but the Fisher Price toys do all begin to sound the same), in particular the ABC song which must be coded into every activity toy. My granddaughter, who is only five and like many children, now talks with a slight Americanism about cookies, movies, garbage and trash – the influence of TV and activity toys!

But first….. my aim this month – the new health and fitness regime, guaranteed to make a difference – you just have to keep at it. I am not so bold as to start today….no today is for recovery and reflection and maybe a sprawl on the sofa watching a film or two.

And I will get back to answering the comments from yesterday.

I hope everyone has a good day today for the start of the year…somehow it does make a difference if the very first day starts well.

Welcome to my new followers on the journey – I am hoping the road this year will not be quite so bumpy as last year. x

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dear diary :: looking back and looking forward

It is that time of year in the quieter lull between the Christmas festivities and New Year when I always start looking back over the past twelve months; remembering all those unforgettable moments both good and bad that are etched on my mind for ever.

It has been an eventful and productive year, if not a little exhausting at times, beginning with the birth of little Freddie in January and followed by two Christenings, a 1st birthday and 40th birthday celebrations. Phew.

It was the year I grew more vegetables, started knitting again, made a christening gown and many of my own cards. In and amongst we had some lovely days out at the open garden events as well as in Scotland and a very memorable day at the seaside in Saltburn with Little L.

It was also the year we remodelled the downstairs cloakroom turning it into a walk in pantry. I did think at the beginning of the year that we would have made a start on the kitchen too – but that was not to be and we continue to live with our truly retro kitchen, patching and repairing it as we go along.

The cottage was put firmly on the back burner again as a difficult situation arose in the summer that required our full attention. The unexpected issues we had to deal with took all our time and are best forgotten – I remind myself we did our best and that hindsight is always better than foresight. If there are any regrets or niggling thoughts that I should or could have done things differently or better I just think that we are where we are and nothing can change that now all we can do is wait for the day when the issues will be resolved for better or worse.

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I don’t know about you but I am already pondering on my next actions and thinking about my word for 2020. ‘Transition‘ was my focus word for 2019 learning how to incorporate many changes into our lives as we moved from working to retiring.

Try as I might I have failed so far to get into a new satisfactory routine since leaving work and my life is certainly a lot different and feels like I am going at a faster pace than ever, trying to accommodate all the changing needs of our wider family who are all in transition too it seems and if anyone ever asks how I am coping my answer is always that I have less time now I am at home than when I worked.

Letting go of the familiar to sail blindly into unchartered waters is not easy and we have not entirely found our footing….but we know where we are headed and have made a start. I realised this year that to do all the things we want to do in retirement and have a long retirement, enjoying more time with both our chosen activities and our ever growing family, then our good health is key.

So I have been giving a lot of thought to this recently – I know our health could be better – I do not want to slide down the slippery path of having to take medication for those old age ailments that with a bit of attention from me I can prevent or reverse before they take hold.

Of course regular readers will know I am reliant on taking thyroxine medication as my thyroid gland had to be completely removed in 2008 due to cancer. This tiny gland that sits at the base of your neck at the front regulates metabolism – energy, heartbeat and temperature and how well you burn calories and digest food. It can be hard to balance the amount of Thyroxine I need daily to keep me stable – that is neither hypothyroid nor hyperthyroid – get it even slightly wrong and the side effects are not good.

Having a healthy diet and plenty of exercise does help my body overcome the lack of a thyroid gland but it can be hard to keep it up when we live such a pressured life.

January will be the month then that I will be focusing on my well being, diet and exercise in gradual small steps.

Over the year I also want to concentrate more on craftwork – sketching, sewing, making more cards – any creative activities would be nice. I feel this year I have laid the foundation and 2020 will be the year to build on this.

Minimalism and simplifying as you know are subjects dear to my heart and I will continue to reduce our impact on the environment by being mindful of what we buy and what we waste.

With all this in mind the word that has kept coming back to me is….

‘ Flourish‘

meaning: ‘grow or develop in a healthy or vigorous way, to grow or develop successfully’

I do not just want to grow and adapt during the changes to our life but to do it with good health and a positive mind. The word Flourish to me just fits the picture perfectly.

I will be beginning in January to take our health seriously – maybe not on New Year’s day but the days after. Presently I am reading and planning for the changes I want to make and I aim to record these daily for anyone else who might want to follow along with me.

It will be more of switching to healthier choices rather than a diet as such or anything too extreme. I did this when I had the cancer and it saved my life back then – I hope it will prolong my life in retirement now.

Have a lovely weekend and welcome to my new followers. xx